As I sit with the laptop on top my lap... I'm listening to my new shipment of music.. I have to tell you I'm very pleased with the purchase.. yes it was drastic, some people might chalk it up to there being some void in my life that I need compensate for something.. to be completely honest, fuck it, whatever it is.. this music is going to help me flesh out the soundtrack to my life - I might as well live life with some pretty incredible theme music. Any budding Hollywood producers or Ad executives looking for the soundtrack for their next film or campaign, I’m pretty expensive, but so worth it. stuck on an old American Analog Set album from 5 years ago.. Electronically yet instrumentally breezy…
Feeling good about everything well not everything – working like a madman, flogging a keyboard for crimes in another life, that said, I’ve managed to find something really good. Deep inside the living tissue of my body, I found a little bit of goodness that I’ve managed to focus in on and magnify. This magnification has resulted in an encapsulation of overall coolness and levelled stability on the seesaw of life. I don’t know how to elaborate, but I will try: I shoved my hand inside my chest and extracted this tiny little ball of light, then I stretched and pulled at this goodness until it took the form of another human being - a better person to be, a better person to spend the rest of my days with.. This extraction had to come about in so many different ways and forms, experiences, mistakes, laughs, thoughts, feelings and experiments. Laid back, understanding and carrying an incredible amount of good energy, this other me is kickin’ ass..
I’ve had to teach and learn along this way, sometimes with people that didn’t deserve it, and sometimes with people that taught me all about the things that really mattered.. people were trampled, and people were inflated, all of us, but this is a fact of life – switching to wannabe yogi: you cannot recognize sweet if you have not tasted bitter.. I cannot avoid the truth of what has happened, there are times that I wished I reacted differently: good and bad, but I can say that it has been a journey worth living. That’s the thing about journeys, sometimes while you’re in the middle of it all you think it’s going too slow or that the predetermined chronological events you’ve hoped for are not falling into place. But then when you look back at it all, it just kinda all seems to fall into place, the delays, the pains, the quickness of it all just defines the journey, whether it be pure rock n roll straight from the source, or just some recycled pleasant sound that makes us all happy somewhere deep inside. I’m not going to come out and say that the other good new me has completely taken over, but lets just say we’re holding hands throughout it all, and for right now, that’s good enough for me. One of the two halves will eventually have to devour the other to become one (none of this merging, we’re going highlander style, devouring)..
I love you straight up and dirty..
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
raindrops on ivy and whiskers on tigers
In order to exhume myself from this dreary state I've decided to write down and discuss the things that I really like.. stuff that makes me feel good, maybe it's stuff that makes you feel good too.. Borrowing from the sound of music, I guess these are my favorite things.. I can't believe I just made a sound of music reference, but the truth is, everyone's seen the sound of music, and as hard as you sit and try to suppress those memories, they still manage to surface... I'm not going to deny it, in fact if I could redo the sound of music for the 21st century, I would have the entire musical done in interpretive break dance.. The von trap family doing head spins in their good night song; Edelweiss redone with vocoders; solving a problem like Maria by doing the robot.. Off tangent again, back to the good of the good according to me.. things that settle really well in my belly..
That initial soft tapping of the crème brulee caramelized sugar crust - that feeling when your spoon spring's back in your hand from that initial touch. The anticipation of the crunchy sugar and the sweet soft dessert underneath, that careful tapping, making sure you don't make a fissure, the sound of the tap, the temptation to take your spoon and just break the crust and dig in. I love that feeling.. Learning to appreciate that feeling will make you feel happy and good..
It ain't easy being this fuqin' cheesy - the urge to bust out the umberto tozzi cd sometimes goes against everything inside you.. you refused this impulse before and you will refuse it again.. Sometimes, just sometimes, you need to pull out that cd and throw it on for a listen - why you might ask? 'cause dammit, there was a time when Anna Begins was the greatest song in your repertoire.. if you catch yourself singing along with the words, grasping the remote control like you're doing this live in front of 30,000 people, then so be it.. just make sure you've locked your doors and your windows are tinted..
Moonlight reflecting off the ocean - people will tell you a beautiful sunset or fantastic sunrise is the image to keep ingrained in your mind.. Ok I can't argue with that, but moonlight??? now that's the stuff people write songs about, know what I mean? On a clear night, in full view, with moon beams reflecting off the ocean - you can whisk yourself to anyplace you want to.. Romance, deserted island, pygmies, bonfires on the beach, hunted down by pygmies that are planning to throw you into a bonfire on the beach.. The possibilities of moonlight are endless..
Your life shrinking to a radius of 6 feet - we have so much to worry about in today's world: family, career, religious fundamentalism, forgetting to drop off the movie rentals, speeding tickets, global warming, increasing waists, nuclear proliferation, neo-right conservatism, what to have for dinner, receding hairlines, spam, rising costs, interest charges, PC compatible, copyright infringement, three points dropped, etcetera etcetera etcetera.. Putting yourself in a setting where the only thing you need to concern yourself with is in your immediate vicinity does make you forget about everything.. no worries no stress no nothing except that invisible radius.. I don't have to tell you that life becomes so sweet.. try it sometimes, it's a lot of fun..
Fresh fruit - Be seasonal about your fruit or don't, just enjoy every bit of it.. Mango skins being torn off the bone as you sink your teeth into the fleshy fruit and the juice streams down your forearms... Figs so ripe, tearing them open almost has a sexy adult connotation to them... Hacking away at a cold watermelon, slicing off a half moon, and letting the sweet juice quench a thirst you didn't even know you had.... The smell of oranges under my fingernails... I love fruit..
Calypso music and your feet in the sand - I am an islander, I appreciate laid back living and an easy take on life.. Calypso music just works for me in terms of reminding you that life at the beach is not only okay, it's incredible.. Take your shoes off, dig your feet into the sand and take it easy man.. Listening to calypso just sends you away to a special place where the drinks are always cold, the shirts are always airy, and the wind, well the wind feels brilliant between your toe hairs..
Beautiful light - afternoon light has a special place en mi corazon.. Lazing around as the light breaks through the curtains giving the room that perfect atmospheric setting.. mornings are too bright, evenings are too dark, but afternoons are just perfect. That period from about 4pm till sunset where the light can set the stage for anything: napping, conversing, walking, chilling, driving around, people watching, I'll let you decide what else you can do with afternoon light..
The sound of ocean waves dancing through your ears - Is it the hypnotic repetitive sounds of the waves rolling along the shore? I don't really know, nor do I really care. Falling asleep to the sound of the ocean is up there with eating icecream on a hot day, mimosas for breakfast, james taylor jam sessions, … the best place to nap is under a parasol on the beach – or – if you're close enough, then in your bedroom with the sounds of the ocean filtering through your balcony (hey everyone should have a balcony facing the beach)..
Pancakes for breakfast - the syrup, the melted butter, the fluffiness of it all, pancakes just remind me of a "don't have to do anything else after breakfast" breakfast.. And let me tell you, taking your time eating breakfast , leisurely reading the paper, and attempting the crossword is just the perfect way to your feel good morning.. if I could take an hour and a half for breakfast everyday, I would honestly be a happier person... scrambled eggs with ketchup are also a great way to start the day..
Receiving a 36 cd order in the mail - and that opening act of joy when you expose the insides of the box and feast your eyes on the properly stacked cds in front of you.. Along with t-shirts & sneakers, music is the best form of retail therapy for me... getting a new shipment of what's hot and experimental has me salivating at the prospect of unearthing the next big tune on my stereo.. I love it... sharing that music also feels equally good, very good.. Current addiction until the shipment arrives: Music Kills me, by Rinôçérôse - thank you very much..
Just wanted to point out different things I consider delightful.. I can see the beach theme recurs quite a bit, but like I said, I’m an islander, it’s what I know.. Scratch deeper and I’m almost positive there are more underlying universal themes there for you to explore..
That initial soft tapping of the crème brulee caramelized sugar crust - that feeling when your spoon spring's back in your hand from that initial touch. The anticipation of the crunchy sugar and the sweet soft dessert underneath, that careful tapping, making sure you don't make a fissure, the sound of the tap, the temptation to take your spoon and just break the crust and dig in. I love that feeling.. Learning to appreciate that feeling will make you feel happy and good..
It ain't easy being this fuqin' cheesy - the urge to bust out the umberto tozzi cd sometimes goes against everything inside you.. you refused this impulse before and you will refuse it again.. Sometimes, just sometimes, you need to pull out that cd and throw it on for a listen - why you might ask? 'cause dammit, there was a time when Anna Begins was the greatest song in your repertoire.. if you catch yourself singing along with the words, grasping the remote control like you're doing this live in front of 30,000 people, then so be it.. just make sure you've locked your doors and your windows are tinted..
Moonlight reflecting off the ocean - people will tell you a beautiful sunset or fantastic sunrise is the image to keep ingrained in your mind.. Ok I can't argue with that, but moonlight??? now that's the stuff people write songs about, know what I mean? On a clear night, in full view, with moon beams reflecting off the ocean - you can whisk yourself to anyplace you want to.. Romance, deserted island, pygmies, bonfires on the beach, hunted down by pygmies that are planning to throw you into a bonfire on the beach.. The possibilities of moonlight are endless..
Your life shrinking to a radius of 6 feet - we have so much to worry about in today's world: family, career, religious fundamentalism, forgetting to drop off the movie rentals, speeding tickets, global warming, increasing waists, nuclear proliferation, neo-right conservatism, what to have for dinner, receding hairlines, spam, rising costs, interest charges, PC compatible, copyright infringement, three points dropped, etcetera etcetera etcetera.. Putting yourself in a setting where the only thing you need to concern yourself with is in your immediate vicinity does make you forget about everything.. no worries no stress no nothing except that invisible radius.. I don't have to tell you that life becomes so sweet.. try it sometimes, it's a lot of fun..
Fresh fruit - Be seasonal about your fruit or don't, just enjoy every bit of it.. Mango skins being torn off the bone as you sink your teeth into the fleshy fruit and the juice streams down your forearms... Figs so ripe, tearing them open almost has a sexy adult connotation to them... Hacking away at a cold watermelon, slicing off a half moon, and letting the sweet juice quench a thirst you didn't even know you had.... The smell of oranges under my fingernails... I love fruit..
Calypso music and your feet in the sand - I am an islander, I appreciate laid back living and an easy take on life.. Calypso music just works for me in terms of reminding you that life at the beach is not only okay, it's incredible.. Take your shoes off, dig your feet into the sand and take it easy man.. Listening to calypso just sends you away to a special place where the drinks are always cold, the shirts are always airy, and the wind, well the wind feels brilliant between your toe hairs..
Beautiful light - afternoon light has a special place en mi corazon.. Lazing around as the light breaks through the curtains giving the room that perfect atmospheric setting.. mornings are too bright, evenings are too dark, but afternoons are just perfect. That period from about 4pm till sunset where the light can set the stage for anything: napping, conversing, walking, chilling, driving around, people watching, I'll let you decide what else you can do with afternoon light..
The sound of ocean waves dancing through your ears - Is it the hypnotic repetitive sounds of the waves rolling along the shore? I don't really know, nor do I really care. Falling asleep to the sound of the ocean is up there with eating icecream on a hot day, mimosas for breakfast, james taylor jam sessions, … the best place to nap is under a parasol on the beach – or – if you're close enough, then in your bedroom with the sounds of the ocean filtering through your balcony (hey everyone should have a balcony facing the beach)..
Pancakes for breakfast - the syrup, the melted butter, the fluffiness of it all, pancakes just remind me of a "don't have to do anything else after breakfast" breakfast.. And let me tell you, taking your time eating breakfast , leisurely reading the paper, and attempting the crossword is just the perfect way to your feel good morning.. if I could take an hour and a half for breakfast everyday, I would honestly be a happier person... scrambled eggs with ketchup are also a great way to start the day..
Receiving a 36 cd order in the mail - and that opening act of joy when you expose the insides of the box and feast your eyes on the properly stacked cds in front of you.. Along with t-shirts & sneakers, music is the best form of retail therapy for me... getting a new shipment of what's hot and experimental has me salivating at the prospect of unearthing the next big tune on my stereo.. I love it... sharing that music also feels equally good, very good.. Current addiction until the shipment arrives: Music Kills me, by Rinôçérôse - thank you very much..
Just wanted to point out different things I consider delightful.. I can see the beach theme recurs quite a bit, but like I said, I’m an islander, it’s what I know.. Scratch deeper and I’m almost positive there are more underlying universal themes there for you to explore..
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Vocabulario 10
Episode 10 of the weekend words suggested to you.. apply them into your talk, squeeze them in when possible – drop these words like they’re going out of style.. What’s cooler than calling someone atavistic? I don’t know..
This week’s words are..
Word #1 Copasetic
Word #2 Transmogrify
Word #3 Atavistic
On another note: Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Hideki Matsui, Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano, Bernie Williams – that’s the lineup that I have to deal with – the only thing I can say is WTF??!!!?? Johnny Damon, I have forgiven you for jumping ship.. You’re a tired old man that wanted more money, the Sox weren’t going to give it to you, so you decided to pimp yourself out to the Yankees.. You’re 32, Coco Crisp is 6 years younger than you, and he wasn’t too far off your numbers last year – he’s entering his prime - I hope Epstein knows what he’s doing (I’m pretty sure he does).. I know I’m going to regret this, I know you’ll magically find some fountain of youth and I’ll lament why we didn’t just cave in and give you more money, such is life.. No one is bigger than the team.. You just really hurt me and the Red Sox Nation. I was devastated when they announced your departure, you so quickly shaved off the beard, cut your hair, and threw on that pinstripe suit... Yankees fans, congratulations on your victory.. I hope he turns out to be the Winston Bogarde of Baseball..
i should have never loaded espn.com today..
This week’s words are..
Word #1 Copasetic
Word #2 Transmogrify
Word #3 Atavistic
On another note: Johnny Damon, Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield, Hideki Matsui, Jorge Posada, Robinson Cano, Bernie Williams – that’s the lineup that I have to deal with – the only thing I can say is WTF??!!!?? Johnny Damon, I have forgiven you for jumping ship.. You’re a tired old man that wanted more money, the Sox weren’t going to give it to you, so you decided to pimp yourself out to the Yankees.. You’re 32, Coco Crisp is 6 years younger than you, and he wasn’t too far off your numbers last year – he’s entering his prime - I hope Epstein knows what he’s doing (I’m pretty sure he does).. I know I’m going to regret this, I know you’ll magically find some fountain of youth and I’ll lament why we didn’t just cave in and give you more money, such is life.. No one is bigger than the team.. You just really hurt me and the Red Sox Nation. I was devastated when they announced your departure, you so quickly shaved off the beard, cut your hair, and threw on that pinstripe suit... Yankees fans, congratulations on your victory.. I hope he turns out to be the Winston Bogarde of Baseball..
i should have never loaded espn.com today..
Sunday, February 19, 2006
i speak bahraini very best
Wherever you go, people change names of certain things to suit their culture or their influence or the time in particular ie: a dollar is called a buck because one dollar during the time of old frontier amounted to a buck hide, or something like that. Living in Bahrain, we’ve had our fair share of influences, 50 years ago if not longer, not many people spoke English, so imagine trying to sell an English product to a non-english speaker who’s never seen the product before in his life. You might tell us what you call it, but odds are, we’re going to give it our own name. We still call vacuum cleaners in Bahrain “Hoovers” because that was the first brand of vacuum cleaners sold here..
I’ve deviated.. On this wonderful island I call home, we’ve taken some English, some Indian, and some Persian words and we’ve tweaked them, or morphed them into our own little dialect.. This was all brought on when I was talking about kankarry being poured in the parking lot in our garage and my friend, (a Leb who’s lived most of his live in Bahrain) laughed at me and said we Bahrainis talk funny.. So I thought I’d list some of the words that come to me and explain them, so the next time you hear them you wont be lost and who knows, maybe you can use them in a conversation here and earn some street cred.. I know some of our neighbors and expatriates that live in or around Bahrain will get a kick out of this..
I’m spelling these out phonetically because I’m not even going to attempt to get them out right..
Bistoog – cookie.. Derived from the word biscuit, but modified for our local tongue.. Using this word can refer to any type of cookie, but it’s usually reserved for those delicious Danish Butter Cookies.. waitaminute, did I just say Danish? Boycott that..
Bi-Feater – plumber.. The trade of a pipe fitter. We don’t have the letter ‘p’ in our alphabet, so everything with ‘p’ naturally becomes a ‘b’.. kinda like “bebsi”..
Kan’karry – Concrete.. Don’t ask me how this got twisted, but it sounds cooler than concrete..
Smeet - Cement
Ambaloos – ambulance
Aranj joosh – orange juice
Draiwill – Driver
Ali Willem – Potato - back in the day, the most famous brand of potatoes on the island were imported through a Bahraini English joint venture called “Ali & William”. People here dropped the ampersand and stuck with calling potatoes Ali Willem. We’re not going to waste our breath pronouncing the “&” we’ve got better things to do..
Isbaitar – Hospital (it’s a muharraq thing)
Payk – a drink.. comes from the peg measure for dispensing alcohol, the peg measure must be of glass or brass that is well-tinned or silver-plated. Standard pegs are of 60 ml. (1 peg) and 30 ml. (1/2 peg).. as in “go fix yourself up a payk”
Shughgul Shaddan – Double Time – when they’d give the generators at the oil factory (BAPCO) a rest, the refinery still had to work but on manual labor, so the employees would have to work extra hard. It was called “Shutdown work”, but thanks to the bahranization of the word, it morphed to shaddan..
Ban’nid – close, turn off – I think this came from the word Banned
Balek – (also pronounced palek) plug, as in the little plug on a wire that’s connected to your tv or dvd player or microwave, you get what I mean.
‘Celater – Accelerator – put the pedal to the metal..
Belanty – Penalty.. I love this one, because it’s widely used in the arab world (well the Arabian peninsula world).. I love hearing this working in a bank “if you do not bay the fee now, then you will have a belanty on your account”
Ray’wis – reverse
Wan’ate – (also used in Kuwait) pickup truck.. cause the pickup trucks are usually 1.8 liter engines and because the 1.8 would be plastered on the back of the truck, people just referred to it as a wan’ate.
So that’s what I have, a bunch of words that sound funny when you read them but are a part of our everyday language here that we use without thinking twice about them… we are like this, only. If you know any more words, let us know. It’s like people in Rhode Island calling a water fountain a bubbler.. What’s up with that anyways?
I’ve deviated.. On this wonderful island I call home, we’ve taken some English, some Indian, and some Persian words and we’ve tweaked them, or morphed them into our own little dialect.. This was all brought on when I was talking about kankarry being poured in the parking lot in our garage and my friend, (a Leb who’s lived most of his live in Bahrain) laughed at me and said we Bahrainis talk funny.. So I thought I’d list some of the words that come to me and explain them, so the next time you hear them you wont be lost and who knows, maybe you can use them in a conversation here and earn some street cred.. I know some of our neighbors and expatriates that live in or around Bahrain will get a kick out of this..
I’m spelling these out phonetically because I’m not even going to attempt to get them out right..
Bistoog – cookie.. Derived from the word biscuit, but modified for our local tongue.. Using this word can refer to any type of cookie, but it’s usually reserved for those delicious Danish Butter Cookies.. waitaminute, did I just say Danish? Boycott that..
Bi-Feater – plumber.. The trade of a pipe fitter. We don’t have the letter ‘p’ in our alphabet, so everything with ‘p’ naturally becomes a ‘b’.. kinda like “bebsi”..
Kan’karry – Concrete.. Don’t ask me how this got twisted, but it sounds cooler than concrete..
Smeet - Cement
Ambaloos – ambulance
Aranj joosh – orange juice
Draiwill – Driver
Ali Willem – Potato - back in the day, the most famous brand of potatoes on the island were imported through a Bahraini English joint venture called “Ali & William”. People here dropped the ampersand and stuck with calling potatoes Ali Willem. We’re not going to waste our breath pronouncing the “&” we’ve got better things to do..
Isbaitar – Hospital (it’s a muharraq thing)
Payk – a drink.. comes from the peg measure for dispensing alcohol, the peg measure must be of glass or brass that is well-tinned or silver-plated. Standard pegs are of 60 ml. (1 peg) and 30 ml. (1/2 peg).. as in “go fix yourself up a payk”
Shughgul Shaddan – Double Time – when they’d give the generators at the oil factory (BAPCO) a rest, the refinery still had to work but on manual labor, so the employees would have to work extra hard. It was called “Shutdown work”, but thanks to the bahranization of the word, it morphed to shaddan..
Ban’nid – close, turn off – I think this came from the word Banned
Balek – (also pronounced palek) plug, as in the little plug on a wire that’s connected to your tv or dvd player or microwave, you get what I mean.
‘Celater – Accelerator – put the pedal to the metal..
Belanty – Penalty.. I love this one, because it’s widely used in the arab world (well the Arabian peninsula world).. I love hearing this working in a bank “if you do not bay the fee now, then you will have a belanty on your account”
Ray’wis – reverse
Wan’ate – (also used in Kuwait) pickup truck.. cause the pickup trucks are usually 1.8 liter engines and because the 1.8 would be plastered on the back of the truck, people just referred to it as a wan’ate.
So that’s what I have, a bunch of words that sound funny when you read them but are a part of our everyday language here that we use without thinking twice about them… we are like this, only. If you know any more words, let us know. It’s like people in Rhode Island calling a water fountain a bubbler.. What’s up with that anyways?
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Vocabulario Nueve
I was away - but now I’m back.. We’ve resumed your semi regular Vocabulario, and this week’s words were inspired by some & insinuated by others. Here they are in no particular order except the one in which I typed them up in...
Word #1 Riveting
Word #2 Skulduggery
Word #3 Siphon
“I like riveting stories about corruption that reveal skullduggery and lots of money siphoned off to foreign accounts.”
Random thought of randomness: When I say concubine, I think of porcupines.. I know they rhyme a little, but it’s just this weird name association thing I do.. I would love to have a concubine or concubines for that matter.. if you’ve got quills, live in a tree trunk and want to love me, then drop me a line..
Word #1 Riveting
Word #2 Skulduggery
Word #3 Siphon
“I like riveting stories about corruption that reveal skullduggery and lots of money siphoned off to foreign accounts.”
Random thought of randomness: When I say concubine, I think of porcupines.. I know they rhyme a little, but it’s just this weird name association thing I do.. I would love to have a concubine or concubines for that matter.. if you’ve got quills, live in a tree trunk and want to love me, then drop me a line..
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Wisdumb
A bunch of people all over the world were requested to provide some valuable nuggets of wisdom. Some people sent some very thoughtful and chicken soup for the soul stuff, some motivational talk, some philosophical mumbo jumbo, some downright insane, and some quite educational. I’d like to add a statement here by saying that these lines of wisdom were directly pasted from whatever the person sent me, no editing or censoring took place, you cannot hold me accountable for what’s written here, unless you like it, then it was totally my idea to bring these thoughts together. So without further ado, I present to you a global project here on Bahraini Rants entitled: Wise Words of Wisdom from Random People.. enjoy..
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Nobody scratch your back, but your own nail.
He who is shy does not bring children.
Cupcakes are like hugs -- with icing!
When a guy is 16 17 and 18 he MUST do the things a 16, 17 and 18 year old does. If he doesn't he will wind up doing them when he is 30.
Insomnia can be easily remedied by drinking a warm glass of milk and jumping.
Never play 'mouse caught in a mousetrap' with your penis.
What would you do if you weren't afraid? Now go do it!
Don’t brush your hair and then put a turtleneck on immediately after.
Make mistakes faster.
Never play tag with a paraplegic; it’s just not fair.
life . . . live it!
People who know how to eat sushi don't order California rolls.
Pus somewhere + pus nowhere = pus under the diaphragm.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
If you're gonna play with the stapler then at least don't keep your finger between the claws.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
If in Prague and you're talked into getting in a taxi solo at 4am heading to an unknown destination.. use common sense and jump out if the vehicle starts reversing down an alleyway.
No fear…if you do it, are you going to die?
Sex alleviates the tension caused by love.
run everyday, eat your veggies, but don't miss out on coffee and chocolates.
If people are going to start telling the truth around here, I'm going to bed.
Without information, you are nothing.
I'm a veteran. I've seen hobos miss the train, cats miss the rat, monkey miss the branch.
Oddly, life is much like a house; the view changes from where you stand and the world depends on where you place your windows.
Never go to pay your respects at a funeral after a three-martini lunch.
Timor-Leste (also known as East-Timor) was the last country to be admitted to the United Nations. Following Switzerland, in 2002, it became the 191st member. Timor-Leste is an Island off the coast of SouthEast Asia and Australia. It also happens to be the poorest country in the world, with a purchasing
(or lack of) power parity of $400.
Fit is the new Rich
The impossible lives right next door to the possible. People ring its doorbell by accident everyday.
As we get older; it becomes harder to kid ourselves.
To live a full life one must keep all of the following in balance as well as given the same level of importance: love, career, friends, family, hobbies, motherhood. Become obsessed with one and it throws everything off.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Tell the people you love you love them, cause you never know when they'll be taken away.
Sometimes life just feels like you've stepped into a pile of shit on the day you forgot to wear shoes.
The only things you regret on your deathbed are the experiences you never had.
Always stir your martinis never shake, it just gets cloudy, and who wants to drink a spermy looking martini?
s = ut + 1/2*a*t^2
v = u + at
v^2 = u^2 + 2as
You cannot call yourself an adult until you can answer the question, What do you really want? in clear, truthful and uncertain terms.
Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later.
Always be nice to waiters - they're the ones who decide whether to spit in your food or not.
Never give advice without explaining your costs first.
Be an icebreaker (conversation wise. Don't go around breaking ice, that's just weird).
Next time you see someone handing out leaflets in the street, take one - it'll help them get home faster.
..be Careful where the dog shits ya.
Contributors: soos, sinister greg, farah, amunki, dave, didi, ricky, no static, mto, karpinski, chanad, lina, mahmood, d, randommo, n, tammyp, deniz, mohamed, rf, tibor, sahar, falco, 248am, steve, barrak, jellybean, bonsaim, leena, and me.
special thanks to the proofreading sleuth..
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
Nobody scratch your back, but your own nail.
He who is shy does not bring children.
Cupcakes are like hugs -- with icing!
When a guy is 16 17 and 18 he MUST do the things a 16, 17 and 18 year old does. If he doesn't he will wind up doing them when he is 30.
Insomnia can be easily remedied by drinking a warm glass of milk and jumping.
Never play 'mouse caught in a mousetrap' with your penis.
What would you do if you weren't afraid? Now go do it!
Don’t brush your hair and then put a turtleneck on immediately after.
Make mistakes faster.
Never play tag with a paraplegic; it’s just not fair.
life . . . live it!
People who know how to eat sushi don't order California rolls.
Pus somewhere + pus nowhere = pus under the diaphragm.
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
If you're gonna play with the stapler then at least don't keep your finger between the claws.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
If in Prague and you're talked into getting in a taxi solo at 4am heading to an unknown destination.. use common sense and jump out if the vehicle starts reversing down an alleyway.
No fear…if you do it, are you going to die?
Sex alleviates the tension caused by love.
run everyday, eat your veggies, but don't miss out on coffee and chocolates.
If people are going to start telling the truth around here, I'm going to bed.
Without information, you are nothing.
I'm a veteran. I've seen hobos miss the train, cats miss the rat, monkey miss the branch.
Oddly, life is much like a house; the view changes from where you stand and the world depends on where you place your windows.
Never go to pay your respects at a funeral after a three-martini lunch.
Timor-Leste (also known as East-Timor) was the last country to be admitted to the United Nations. Following Switzerland, in 2002, it became the 191st member. Timor-Leste is an Island off the coast of SouthEast Asia and Australia. It also happens to be the poorest country in the world, with a purchasing
(or lack of) power parity of $400.
Fit is the new Rich
The impossible lives right next door to the possible. People ring its doorbell by accident everyday.
As we get older; it becomes harder to kid ourselves.
To live a full life one must keep all of the following in balance as well as given the same level of importance: love, career, friends, family, hobbies, motherhood. Become obsessed with one and it throws everything off.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
Tell the people you love you love them, cause you never know when they'll be taken away.
Sometimes life just feels like you've stepped into a pile of shit on the day you forgot to wear shoes.
The only things you regret on your deathbed are the experiences you never had.
Always stir your martinis never shake, it just gets cloudy, and who wants to drink a spermy looking martini?
s = ut + 1/2*a*t^2
v = u + at
v^2 = u^2 + 2as
You cannot call yourself an adult until you can answer the question, What do you really want? in clear, truthful and uncertain terms.
Produce great pumpkins, the pies will follow later.
Always be nice to waiters - they're the ones who decide whether to spit in your food or not.
Never give advice without explaining your costs first.
Be an icebreaker (conversation wise. Don't go around breaking ice, that's just weird).
Next time you see someone handing out leaflets in the street, take one - it'll help them get home faster.
..be Careful where the dog shits ya.
Contributors: soos, sinister greg, farah, amunki, dave, didi, ricky, no static, mto, karpinski, chanad, lina, mahmood, d, randommo, n, tammyp, deniz, mohamed, rf, tibor, sahar, falco, 248am, steve, barrak, jellybean, bonsaim, leena, and me.
special thanks to the proofreading sleuth..
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Vocabulario OCHO
So we’ve reached the 8th installment of this vocabulary building session here at Bahraini Rant incorporated. After this post, the ol’blog would have contributed to 24 new or not so new words in your vocabulary. Anyways, enjoy the words; use them at your discretion. I shall now stop this malarkey and skedaddle back to my life, the real one.
Word #1 Malarkey
Word #2 Lackadaisical
Word #3 Skedaddle
Oh by the way: I am Spartacus.
Word #1 Malarkey
Word #2 Lackadaisical
Word #3 Skedaddle
Oh by the way: I am Spartacus.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
hellophoto
does my tail look fat in these scales?
even bananas suffer from shrinkage after a dip in the ocean
hey larry, your gill's in my face, waitaminute that's not your gill, goddamit larry!
a whole lot of cancer
a message to all you impressionable crustaceans: Being a mule will result in lobster cavity searches, stay away from drugs kids
mmm, cerveza
samirai jack, new wave new wave
slam, da da daat, da da daat, let the boys be boys
my hand as featured in the vw ad that never was...
thifting to loodakrith thpeed
bloggers in the mirror appear stupider than they really are
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
SPAM, it's what's for dinner..
Don’t you hate getting chain letters - Or those “send these to 70 people and your wish will come true” emails - or bill gates will send you a jillion dollars if you email this to everyone on your mailing list..
I have to admit, I sometimes get these silly forwards, and then because I have a couple of minutes of free time, or I might be procrastinating the entire day, I’ll do the little quiz.. you pick your favorite color, you write down the your first initial, you spend the time of adding all the digits in your shoe size, birthday, and partner’s cycle. Then you make your wish - pluck out a strand of your hair and light it on fire repeating the chants in the email…
And then what? They tell you, now forward this to 5 people and your wish will come true, if you forward it to 10 people, your wish will come true before your next birthday.. Shit, you’re so close to your dreams of totalitarian world domination, but now you need to send this out to your friends.. This is when my neurotic thinking comes in, ok my friends will think I’m a totally mentally defective idiot for sending them this stupid forward, so what do I do? Plus what if someone else I send this to is also planning totalitarian world domination; do I want to ruin my chances? That’s when the address book scouring begins.. When I start searching for those old friends that I might have completely lost touch with, group partners from some of my classes in college, defunct emails, anything.. but then the thinking kicks into high gear, what will happen if the powers that be realize that I’m kinda cheating by forwarding this email to people I don’t really consider close friends? Will my wish not come true? You know what else pisses me off? When they actually include a story of how now you’re hexed, you must send this email out to this many people or something evil will befall you.. you really expect me to believe that? Beelzebub’s hanging around the web looking to cast evil down my way? “hmmm, that Bahraini rant bastard didn’t forward to 20 people, FIRE & BRIMSTONE HIS ASS EVIL MONKEYS!!!!!!!”
All this thinking then usually tires me out and I just delete the email forever giving up on my dreams to have the entire world sing praise to me… damn you good fortune forwards..
The other email spam I just can’t stand are the please give me your bank account emails..
It always starts the same way.. some poor kid in some underdeveloped country is sitting there telling you about how these rebels have killed his/her father who just so happened to be the ex-minister of mining gold, diamonds, and little people.. before the daddy got killed by Chuck Taylor Rebels (Klashnikovs and high tops) he took out 5 million dollars in unmarked US treasury bills, but they were locked up in a security firm in another underdeveloped country. The child then asks you for your bank account so they can transfer the money to your account and then have someone rewire the account and then they get your credit card number and then BABAM! You have USD 33,000 worth of calls to miss Cleo on your tab..
The thing that gets me on these emails, is that the grammar is atrocious.. I mean honestly, your daddy was the minister of mining gold, diamonds, and little people; and he couldn’t afford to give you a proper education? I knew a lot of kids in college that were the children of the most corrupt people in Africa, and they could all speak English or French good… and they get so chummy with you in those emails don’t they? Hello my friend, whoa whoa whoa, you’re asking me to be part of a money laundering ring, you’re not my buddy just yet… lets get to know each other first, lets maim some rebels together, do some ancient right of passage that would make me eat a living human thinking it’s a rib eye, maybe get a little militia going, poison a water supply or two, then we can get chummy pal..
What would really get my attention and would actually have me consider replying is if they just jazzed up their Spam email a little bit.. just a little more attention people, that’s all I’m asking, make it a little more enjoyable to read.. maybe they could change the circumstances.. the money could be in a security company in another town that’s run by the evil mayor who’s militia is made up of crazy drugged up rebels. Then what’s needed are the services of a crack ex gulf war rangers team, comprised of an aging leader who loves it when a plan comes together, the pretty intelligence dude, the psychotic transport specialist, and the big bad mothafuqa.. This team will have to make their way to the underdeveloped African country, meet the dead minister’s child, agree to the terms, devise a cunning plan to break into the security firms vault using a pimped out school bus and a map the pretty intelligence dude got from sleeping with the mayors wife. During their raid, they discover that the mayor is extremely corrupt and he’s pumping experimental chemicals from Pharmaceutical Corporation XYZ into the town’s water supply, leaving the townspeople feeling very nauseous and with irritable bowl movements.. A huge standoff could possibly ensue where the psychotic transportations specialist will get shot in the leg saving a malnourished child from being caught in the crossfire.. the battle rages on, the mayor captures the four heroes at gunpoint while he looks away the big bad mothafuqa throws a punch and lodges his fist in the mayor’s skull he dies and the militia disbands running off into the hills.. the security firm’s vault is broken open, the treasury bills are found, along with missing national treasures, a dodo, and a cure for AIDS.. and everyone goes home happy.. now that would warrant a USD 33,000 psychic friends network bill.. yeah…
Waitaminute, what? don’t listen to me.. I’m just babbling…
I have to admit, I sometimes get these silly forwards, and then because I have a couple of minutes of free time, or I might be procrastinating the entire day, I’ll do the little quiz.. you pick your favorite color, you write down the your first initial, you spend the time of adding all the digits in your shoe size, birthday, and partner’s cycle. Then you make your wish - pluck out a strand of your hair and light it on fire repeating the chants in the email…
And then what? They tell you, now forward this to 5 people and your wish will come true, if you forward it to 10 people, your wish will come true before your next birthday.. Shit, you’re so close to your dreams of totalitarian world domination, but now you need to send this out to your friends.. This is when my neurotic thinking comes in, ok my friends will think I’m a totally mentally defective idiot for sending them this stupid forward, so what do I do? Plus what if someone else I send this to is also planning totalitarian world domination; do I want to ruin my chances? That’s when the address book scouring begins.. When I start searching for those old friends that I might have completely lost touch with, group partners from some of my classes in college, defunct emails, anything.. but then the thinking kicks into high gear, what will happen if the powers that be realize that I’m kinda cheating by forwarding this email to people I don’t really consider close friends? Will my wish not come true? You know what else pisses me off? When they actually include a story of how now you’re hexed, you must send this email out to this many people or something evil will befall you.. you really expect me to believe that? Beelzebub’s hanging around the web looking to cast evil down my way? “hmmm, that Bahraini rant bastard didn’t forward to 20 people, FIRE & BRIMSTONE HIS ASS EVIL MONKEYS!!!!!!!”
All this thinking then usually tires me out and I just delete the email forever giving up on my dreams to have the entire world sing praise to me… damn you good fortune forwards..
The other email spam I just can’t stand are the please give me your bank account emails..
It always starts the same way.. some poor kid in some underdeveloped country is sitting there telling you about how these rebels have killed his/her father who just so happened to be the ex-minister of mining gold, diamonds, and little people.. before the daddy got killed by Chuck Taylor Rebels (Klashnikovs and high tops) he took out 5 million dollars in unmarked US treasury bills, but they were locked up in a security firm in another underdeveloped country. The child then asks you for your bank account so they can transfer the money to your account and then have someone rewire the account and then they get your credit card number and then BABAM! You have USD 33,000 worth of calls to miss Cleo on your tab..
The thing that gets me on these emails, is that the grammar is atrocious.. I mean honestly, your daddy was the minister of mining gold, diamonds, and little people; and he couldn’t afford to give you a proper education? I knew a lot of kids in college that were the children of the most corrupt people in Africa, and they could all speak English or French good… and they get so chummy with you in those emails don’t they? Hello my friend, whoa whoa whoa, you’re asking me to be part of a money laundering ring, you’re not my buddy just yet… lets get to know each other first, lets maim some rebels together, do some ancient right of passage that would make me eat a living human thinking it’s a rib eye, maybe get a little militia going, poison a water supply or two, then we can get chummy pal..
What would really get my attention and would actually have me consider replying is if they just jazzed up their Spam email a little bit.. just a little more attention people, that’s all I’m asking, make it a little more enjoyable to read.. maybe they could change the circumstances.. the money could be in a security company in another town that’s run by the evil mayor who’s militia is made up of crazy drugged up rebels. Then what’s needed are the services of a crack ex gulf war rangers team, comprised of an aging leader who loves it when a plan comes together, the pretty intelligence dude, the psychotic transport specialist, and the big bad mothafuqa.. This team will have to make their way to the underdeveloped African country, meet the dead minister’s child, agree to the terms, devise a cunning plan to break into the security firms vault using a pimped out school bus and a map the pretty intelligence dude got from sleeping with the mayors wife. During their raid, they discover that the mayor is extremely corrupt and he’s pumping experimental chemicals from Pharmaceutical Corporation XYZ into the town’s water supply, leaving the townspeople feeling very nauseous and with irritable bowl movements.. A huge standoff could possibly ensue where the psychotic transportations specialist will get shot in the leg saving a malnourished child from being caught in the crossfire.. the battle rages on, the mayor captures the four heroes at gunpoint while he looks away the big bad mothafuqa throws a punch and lodges his fist in the mayor’s skull he dies and the militia disbands running off into the hills.. the security firm’s vault is broken open, the treasury bills are found, along with missing national treasures, a dodo, and a cure for AIDS.. and everyone goes home happy.. now that would warrant a USD 33,000 psychic friends network bill.. yeah…
Waitaminute, what? don’t listen to me.. I’m just babbling…
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Vocabulario #7 (i think)
Hope you haven’t completely given up on me - I’m back, for now.. this week’s vocabulario is brought to you by words ending in “-ious” .. take a look at them, mull them over, think about how you want to include them in your talk this weekend, and then thank this blog for making your vocabulary so much more colorful.. Remember, if you have a good word you’d like included in vocabulario email me at bahrainirants@gmail.com. It’s been weird this break from you.. I really have missed you, my personal space of stupidity… anyways, on with the words..
Word #1 Vivacious
Word #2 Bodacious
Word #3 Ostentatious
Enjoy and be merry..
edu
Word #1 Vivacious
Word #2 Bodacious
Word #3 Ostentatious
Enjoy and be merry..
edu
Monday, January 16, 2006
Play Listing
Sitting with a jellybean, allowing the ol’Ipod to fill in the silence with its little memory banks of MP3s and good vibes. In my strange and twisted brain the subject of play lists came up, and that’s got me thinking.. how important they are in the life of today’s connected human..
I’m addicted to music.. I spent a good part of the 80s and the 90s making mix tapes.. I even perfected the pause between each track (a very concise lowering the volume on the recording tape and then pushing pause, so the break between each track wasn’t that obvious).. Nothing said I love you as much as a personalized mix.. the fact that you had two sides of recording - the fact that you could embellish the cover with artwork and print, or not – the fact that you picked the music and that you dumped that music on to this little wrapped up magnetic tape.. Ultimately, nothing made the cassette as cool as when you held it in your hand between your thumb and index finger a la Mike Myers from Wayne’s world “I think a little bohemian rhapsody, gentlemen” and then slipped it in the tape player for that moment of madness.. ahh yes the cassette tape, you brought so much joy, you brought so many young lovers together, so many breakups, so much emotion, so much everything.. I miss you Maxwell90 and even your little brother Maxwell60..
Over the years, as music got digitized, compact and mini discs came and went, people began ripping and sharing their music; the cassette tape brought less and less love into people’s lives.. The play list on the other hand, was a different story with a different purpose.. the play list continued to thrive and make people happy.. The play list still found a use in people’s lives.. the play list would be the indicator of your mood, your memory, your trip.. that specific album/mix/list/emotion/vibe allowed you to control the music that you were going to listen to.. you actually created how the tunes were going to flow, for that moment and forever..
I spent many afternoons preparing play lists for my road trips, my 80s fix, eclectically chilled out, pre-party mix, after party mix, super party mix, love in limbo, wise guys, bangbang headbangin’, cool days, snowy mornings, rainy days, fuckin’ hot, one hit wonders, brit pop, psychedelic, sinister sounds, damn it feels good to be a gangsta, guilty cheese, classically remembered, the me like series (me like dancin’, me like beautiful music, me like rockin’).. and I loved it every second of dragging and dropping.. I was wondering what other names people gave their play lists.. hmmm, well?
Looking back and flipping through old lists, the microfiche memories come rushing back like a drug induced flashback.. The music you listened to at that time, the feelings it brought back, the significance of the song and how it tied into that specific play list.. I’m not saying you had to be creative and make everything work and throw in a silly tag for each list.. but go through your old lists, listen to the music, do your little dance and remember. Associate feelings, conversations, with your music, this is the beauty of it all. I fell in love to my play lists, wallowed in my depression with them, got super hyper, invigorated my confidence, went back to the 8th grade, made beautiful love, people watched, connected with my dad and his taste in music, and so much more. Think about it the next time you want to arrange a couple of tracks in your library to provide you with something.. It’s just another way to retain a little piece of your life.. Enjoy it, cause memories like these are golden… To think, this whole thing was spurred from an inspiring play list entitled “release,” a tribute to a new life.. thanks for the moment jellybean..
love your music, cause it loves you back..
I’m addicted to music.. I spent a good part of the 80s and the 90s making mix tapes.. I even perfected the pause between each track (a very concise lowering the volume on the recording tape and then pushing pause, so the break between each track wasn’t that obvious).. Nothing said I love you as much as a personalized mix.. the fact that you had two sides of recording - the fact that you could embellish the cover with artwork and print, or not – the fact that you picked the music and that you dumped that music on to this little wrapped up magnetic tape.. Ultimately, nothing made the cassette as cool as when you held it in your hand between your thumb and index finger a la Mike Myers from Wayne’s world “I think a little bohemian rhapsody, gentlemen” and then slipped it in the tape player for that moment of madness.. ahh yes the cassette tape, you brought so much joy, you brought so many young lovers together, so many breakups, so much emotion, so much everything.. I miss you Maxwell90 and even your little brother Maxwell60..
Over the years, as music got digitized, compact and mini discs came and went, people began ripping and sharing their music; the cassette tape brought less and less love into people’s lives.. The play list on the other hand, was a different story with a different purpose.. the play list continued to thrive and make people happy.. The play list still found a use in people’s lives.. the play list would be the indicator of your mood, your memory, your trip.. that specific album/mix/list/emotion/vibe allowed you to control the music that you were going to listen to.. you actually created how the tunes were going to flow, for that moment and forever..
I spent many afternoons preparing play lists for my road trips, my 80s fix, eclectically chilled out, pre-party mix, after party mix, super party mix, love in limbo, wise guys, bangbang headbangin’, cool days, snowy mornings, rainy days, fuckin’ hot, one hit wonders, brit pop, psychedelic, sinister sounds, damn it feels good to be a gangsta, guilty cheese, classically remembered, the me like series (me like dancin’, me like beautiful music, me like rockin’).. and I loved it every second of dragging and dropping.. I was wondering what other names people gave their play lists.. hmmm, well?
Looking back and flipping through old lists, the microfiche memories come rushing back like a drug induced flashback.. The music you listened to at that time, the feelings it brought back, the significance of the song and how it tied into that specific play list.. I’m not saying you had to be creative and make everything work and throw in a silly tag for each list.. but go through your old lists, listen to the music, do your little dance and remember. Associate feelings, conversations, with your music, this is the beauty of it all. I fell in love to my play lists, wallowed in my depression with them, got super hyper, invigorated my confidence, went back to the 8th grade, made beautiful love, people watched, connected with my dad and his taste in music, and so much more. Think about it the next time you want to arrange a couple of tracks in your library to provide you with something.. It’s just another way to retain a little piece of your life.. Enjoy it, cause memories like these are golden… To think, this whole thing was spurred from an inspiring play list entitled “release,” a tribute to a new life.. thanks for the moment jellybean..
love your music, cause it loves you back..
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
vocabulario y adios
Still on this major whirlwind of self discovery… will be taking a break for a while - not sure how long, just need to realign my life.. it could take a couple of days, it could take a couple of weeks..
Here’s your last three words for a while..
Word #1 Daft-Days
Word #2 Cockamamie
Word #3 Bonzer
So enjoy the last of your daft-days having a bonzer time, thinking of how you’re going to incorporate cockamamie into your vocabulary.
Good bye for now..
br
Here’s your last three words for a while..
Word #1 Daft-Days
Word #2 Cockamamie
Word #3 Bonzer
So enjoy the last of your daft-days having a bonzer time, thinking of how you’re going to incorporate cockamamie into your vocabulary.
Good bye for now..
br
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Vocabulario #5
Week five and counting ladies and gents.. things are looking interesting – the weather’s getting better and people have started sending in their submissions for words. Remember, bahrainirants@gmail.com for your suggestions, Cerebral Waste has a good one for next week. but for this week, this is what you need to incorporate into your talk. I know I haven’t picked the easiest words to use, but you guys should be pros by now.
Word #1: Finicky
Word #2: Boondoggle
Word #3: Scallywag
I’m in the middle of a heavy moment right now, I don’t really have anything insightful or stupid to say, so I’ll just keep it short. Moo.
Word #1: Finicky
Word #2: Boondoggle
Word #3: Scallywag
I’m in the middle of a heavy moment right now, I don’t really have anything insightful or stupid to say, so I’ll just keep it short. Moo.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
10 minutes on music
Music is just another extension of my character… I use music when describing my mood, I use music to remember conversations, I use music to fill in awkward moments of silence… Music is what dictates my life and I dictate my music… Thought I’d lay down a 10 minute exercise on the music that’s defined my life..
The latest global underground compilation reminding me of days long gone, with that Depeche Mode Lexicon Avenue remix that Digweed and Cataneo made so famous… Foghat and Free for some unabashed 70s rock n roll. The Rolling Stones to remind me that you can’t always get what you want under my thumb… Coldplay for those silence filler moments in our lives (Even though their latest album got Paltrowed) … The “the” bands filling in that modern hipster appeal with that certain ‘je ne sais rien’ taste… Daft Punk for that robot in us all… Annie Lennox for being the most undervalued Diva in music (up your French Canadian ass Celine)… looking for jojo on his search for California grass with the Beatles… Sublime, cause they simply were… Ray Charles, Miles Davis, Satchmo, BB King, Muddy Waters, and John Lee Hooker for real Rhythm & Blues. Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday, Dinah Washington, Nina Simone, Gladys night, and Queen Aretha for teaching me about lovin’ and fallin’ in love. Glen Miller, Bobby Darin, Nat King Cole, Dave Brubeck , Louis Prima, Sinatra, Deano, Sammy and the music that actually made you want to wear a suit. LL cool J, for making me want a girl with extensions in her hair, bamboo ear rings at least two pairs… Queen, cause without Freddie Mercury in my life I don’t think I would’ve ever been able to hold a mic with such panache. Getting back into the mid to late 90s alternative collection, toad the wet sprocket, tonic, dishwalla, remember that shit? Singing along with David Bowie and wondering if there really is life on mars… letting Bob Marley rub it to me belly like guava jelly… Spoon for quickly becoming one of my favorite current bands.. Pearl Jam live with Eddie Vedder’s incoherent ramblings and him just going off on a “won the lottereee” tangent. George Clinton and P-Funk: thanks to Depute T who brought the funk out… Sade for making me want to make love to her music, mermaid on no ordinary love is one of the best new agey love songs out there without it being too cheesy, trust me. The Wu-Tang clan: for keeping me still interested in rap – master the art of 52 blocks iron lungs… The Strokes for making me blast their music, seroo gets it (well she gets it all). Ani Difranco – for touching my heart in junior high in terms of her music and my fantasies. Wavy Gravy by Sasha – one of the best electronic tunes in the history of music – really – and Sasha’s such a nice guy, we’re pals.. right mohi… New wave, next wave, post punk, garage rock & the indie rock scene that none of us will ever fully grasp but love with such unbridled passion. The random bands that clap their hands in Brooklyn. Watching trance pass it’s expiration date and shaking my head, feeling the industry never really getting progressive house – leaving the jungle to the junglerats – wondering when people will wake up from electro. Marvin Gaye for being such a cool cat. French Pop rock like Phoenix and Zoot Woman. Nordic representation from Royskopp and the Kings of Convenience – id rather dance id rather dance then talk with you... Loving Dave Mathews in high school and then hating him in college and now liking him all over again, I wonder why? Rai, for bringing much needed credibility to Arabic music. Ricky, Jooj, n Nif for being the only people on this planet who’s taste in rap I trust. Idlewild for writing anthemic music. Aphex Twin-khalas. Asking God why Otis Redding wasn’t given a chance to rerecord Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. Franz Ferdinand for making ballsy music, the rakes for being the new franz, and whomever is going to be the new rakes... Devo, for being so misclassified as a wacky band with that one hit, it’s all about the gut gut feeling.. Cheap Trick for writing the best Karaoke song ever. Jamie Hewlet and Damon Albarn for making virtual musicians that actually rock, I had the hots for tank girl. “METLIKA” for making downloading digital music so much harder. Mylo and that 80s electronica rebirth. Radiohead, if you disagree with this, then I pity your ears. The Smiths – for writing some of the best lyrics ever- I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear (marvelous?)… Maximo Park for being some of the most refreshing new music I’ve listened to in a while. must listens: Arcade Fire, Interpol, Postal Service, Stars, and throw in Spoon again…. Portishead for roads.. Massive Attack and Mezzanine, need I say more? Tori Amos for her piano playing skills - & a little fantasy dreaming. Harry Connick Jr. made me want to serenade someone. IRON MAIDEN – no questions asked no further explanation necessary. Bill Withers for that song that puts his two timing lover in her place – goddamn what a tune.. Duran Duran because I grew up on them and remained faithful to this day – NO NO NOTORIOUS NOTORIOUS.. Dancey Modern Rock, none of that bullshit on the radio..
there’s so much to talk about I just can’t seem to recall much right now, I’m sure my cd collection is jealous, but she knows I love her so.. Here’s to impulse buys on Amazon, incredibly roundabout reviews on Pitchfork, mistaken mapping on Gnod, shot in the dark searching on Myspace, and all the people that helped me discover new sounds. Special mention goes out to the mod looking fellow at the HMV in Heathrow Airport, Terminal 4. ok that wasn’t too bad was it?
The latest global underground compilation reminding me of days long gone, with that Depeche Mode Lexicon Avenue remix that Digweed and Cataneo made so famous… Foghat and Free for some unabashed 70s rock n roll. The Rolling Stones to remind me that you can’t always get what you want under my thumb… Coldplay for those silence filler moments in our lives (Even though their latest album got Paltrowed) … The “the” bands filling in that modern hipster appeal with that certain ‘je ne sais rien’ taste… Daft Punk for that robot in us all… Annie Lennox for being the most undervalued Diva in music (up your French Canadian ass Celine)… looking for jojo on his search for California grass with the Beatles… Sublime, cause they simply were… Ray Charles, Miles Davis, Satchmo, BB King, Muddy Waters, and John Lee Hooker for real Rhythm & Blues. Ella Fitzgerald, Billie Holliday, Dinah Washington, Nina Simone, Gladys night, and Queen Aretha for teaching me about lovin’ and fallin’ in love. Glen Miller, Bobby Darin, Nat King Cole, Dave Brubeck , Louis Prima, Sinatra, Deano, Sammy and the music that actually made you want to wear a suit. LL cool J, for making me want a girl with extensions in her hair, bamboo ear rings at least two pairs… Queen, cause without Freddie Mercury in my life I don’t think I would’ve ever been able to hold a mic with such panache. Getting back into the mid to late 90s alternative collection, toad the wet sprocket, tonic, dishwalla, remember that shit? Singing along with David Bowie and wondering if there really is life on mars… letting Bob Marley rub it to me belly like guava jelly… Spoon for quickly becoming one of my favorite current bands.. Pearl Jam live with Eddie Vedder’s incoherent ramblings and him just going off on a “won the lottereee” tangent. George Clinton and P-Funk: thanks to Depute T who brought the funk out… Sade for making me want to make love to her music, mermaid on no ordinary love is one of the best new agey love songs out there without it being too cheesy, trust me. The Wu-Tang clan: for keeping me still interested in rap – master the art of 52 blocks iron lungs… The Strokes for making me blast their music, seroo gets it (well she gets it all). Ani Difranco – for touching my heart in junior high in terms of her music and my fantasies. Wavy Gravy by Sasha – one of the best electronic tunes in the history of music – really – and Sasha’s such a nice guy, we’re pals.. right mohi… New wave, next wave, post punk, garage rock & the indie rock scene that none of us will ever fully grasp but love with such unbridled passion. The random bands that clap their hands in Brooklyn. Watching trance pass it’s expiration date and shaking my head, feeling the industry never really getting progressive house – leaving the jungle to the junglerats – wondering when people will wake up from electro. Marvin Gaye for being such a cool cat. French Pop rock like Phoenix and Zoot Woman. Nordic representation from Royskopp and the Kings of Convenience – id rather dance id rather dance then talk with you... Loving Dave Mathews in high school and then hating him in college and now liking him all over again, I wonder why? Rai, for bringing much needed credibility to Arabic music. Ricky, Jooj, n Nif for being the only people on this planet who’s taste in rap I trust. Idlewild for writing anthemic music. Aphex Twin-khalas. Asking God why Otis Redding wasn’t given a chance to rerecord Sitting on the Dock of the Bay. Franz Ferdinand for making ballsy music, the rakes for being the new franz, and whomever is going to be the new rakes... Devo, for being so misclassified as a wacky band with that one hit, it’s all about the gut gut feeling.. Cheap Trick for writing the best Karaoke song ever. Jamie Hewlet and Damon Albarn for making virtual musicians that actually rock, I had the hots for tank girl. “METLIKA” for making downloading digital music so much harder. Mylo and that 80s electronica rebirth. Radiohead, if you disagree with this, then I pity your ears. The Smiths – for writing some of the best lyrics ever- I would go out tonight, but I haven’t got a stitch to wear (marvelous?)… Maximo Park for being some of the most refreshing new music I’ve listened to in a while. must listens: Arcade Fire, Interpol, Postal Service, Stars, and throw in Spoon again…. Portishead for roads.. Massive Attack and Mezzanine, need I say more? Tori Amos for her piano playing skills - & a little fantasy dreaming. Harry Connick Jr. made me want to serenade someone. IRON MAIDEN – no questions asked no further explanation necessary. Bill Withers for that song that puts his two timing lover in her place – goddamn what a tune.. Duran Duran because I grew up on them and remained faithful to this day – NO NO NOTORIOUS NOTORIOUS.. Dancey Modern Rock, none of that bullshit on the radio..
there’s so much to talk about I just can’t seem to recall much right now, I’m sure my cd collection is jealous, but she knows I love her so.. Here’s to impulse buys on Amazon, incredibly roundabout reviews on Pitchfork, mistaken mapping on Gnod, shot in the dark searching on Myspace, and all the people that helped me discover new sounds. Special mention goes out to the mod looking fellow at the HMV in Heathrow Airport, Terminal 4. ok that wasn’t too bad was it?
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Vocabulario #4
Back to the board for this week’s edition of what words to slot in into your weekend lingo... If you have an interesting word you’d like considered for vocabulario, drop your suggestion off at bahrainirants@gmail.com. I cannot stress how important it is for you to use these words, for the sake of children, please, for the sake of the children.. You know me and my shenanigans, always trying to abscond from reality yet at the same time remain conspicuous to everyone..
Word #1 Abscond
Word #2 Conspicuous
Word #3 Shenanigan
I’m thinking a lot about Mastodons today.. don’t really know why, but they just look so furry and fun… imagine sliding down those tusks, grabbing on to their fur as they run.. ahh life in the Paleozoic, could have been interesting once you got past the fact you were wearing animal hides and fire was your best friend..
Word #1 Abscond
Word #2 Conspicuous
Word #3 Shenanigan
I’m thinking a lot about Mastodons today.. don’t really know why, but they just look so furry and fun… imagine sliding down those tusks, grabbing on to their fur as they run.. ahh life in the Paleozoic, could have been interesting once you got past the fact you were wearing animal hides and fire was your best friend..
Monday, December 12, 2005
Chemically Dependent
I strolled into work with minutes to spare - the drive to work had been done in a zombified state – breakfast was good but something was lacking… Waiting in front of the moneymaking corporation’s elevators, I avoided exchanging morning pleasantries. What is with mornings that everyone has to say hello? I mean it’s not just about being nice to the people in your department or on your floor – no, everyone says hello, everyone… Normally, I’d also be slinging my hellos and slipping my good mornings to the people around me. But today was different; I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I could feel it – there was a sense of total discombobulation. What the hell is going through my head? Something’s amiss and I can’t figure it out… The biggest problem is locating the source of discomfort – once you know what it is, that’s half the battle – whether it’s guilt, shame, pain, whatever, once you figure out why you’re feeling blue – you can now work on focusing your attention on the solution… This morning was a totally different case… I had no idea what the hell was happening in my world…
Riding the elevator with the covered mafia, my hallucinations began… Audio and Visuals – I could’ve sworn Bertha (the leader of the cackle of covered women where I work that refuse to have any form of communication or interaction with any member of the opposite sex, because they wouldn’t want to tempt me – sweetie, there is no way on Earth you will ever - let me repeat that, ever, tempt me) actually said hello to me… like lemmings one by one they all ensued in their good mornings… tears welled up in my eyes – what the hell was happening to me?
Leaving the elevator I took a quick right and then a left and made my way to my department’s designated work space… plunking down at my desk, turning on my computer, the lull of the machine normally puts my heart to ease, but this time, it was frustrating… my fingers were rapping the desk to some 99bpm. My knees started to shake.. the migraine began to pierce my head like a jackhammer – pain, debilitating short term pain, not something you couldn’t live with, but just pain that you didn’t need that early in the morning.
And then, like a ton of bricks, it hits me.. I need caffeine. The pain I’m feeling in my head is because of the caffeine, I need coffee and I need it now. Yes yes I know, it’s an addiction that gives you headaches if you don’t cater to it, stains your teeth, leaves you with nasty coffee breath, a diuretic (need I say more?) – but there’s nothing I can do about it.. I need coffee to start my day and then I might need some coffee before lunch and then I will definitely need coffee after lunch to give me that final push to the day’s finish line.
My derived use of coffee is split down the middle, I like the taste of it when it’s good coffee, and I use it to jolt my system. I’m a regulated addict, I’ll drink it when I need to pick myself up and I’ll drink it whenever I feel like it. it just does so many wondrous things to your heartbeat that you can’t really ignore the benefits of coffee..
When this whole thing started, I was particular with my coffee consumption; i had to be drinking something decent. I refused to go near the instant coffee tin at the office, save that for when you’re trapped in a hidden bunker hiding from the fascists. I’ve been known to slum it and drink the instant or folgers, but the pains in my stomach afterwards are just not worth it. And after a family donation, I was the proud owner of an unused Espresso machine that now resides at our designated workspace. She’s my little baby, she’s temperamental at times and can kick up a fuss, but she does get me going. Her steamer doesn’t work as well as I’d like it too, but she does give me good head, of espresso that is..
It didn’t take long before we’d become world-class baristas: Americanos, Macchiatos, lattes, we even created our own version of the cappuccino – notquiteuccino (told you the steamer doesn’t work). It’s not like we’re dolts that spend all our money ordering from these overpriced coffee houses (that does happen though) – no we buy our ground beans and make our own deliciously tasting coffee… well not right now, because it seems my coffee connection “Midel” can’t seem to find me a regular sized bag of ground espresso, and they’re trying to push the 1 kilo bag of pure Café Colombia.
This started with me being angry at my caffeine addiction and turned into my love affair with coffee and the little krups that could. Don’t you wish you worked with me? On the plus side, you’d be drinking delicious coffee. On the minus, you’d be dealing with highly caffeinated people who would probably get you to sing along to some Sinatra tune – maybe even some 50cent..
Riding the elevator with the covered mafia, my hallucinations began… Audio and Visuals – I could’ve sworn Bertha (the leader of the cackle of covered women where I work that refuse to have any form of communication or interaction with any member of the opposite sex, because they wouldn’t want to tempt me – sweetie, there is no way on Earth you will ever - let me repeat that, ever, tempt me) actually said hello to me… like lemmings one by one they all ensued in their good mornings… tears welled up in my eyes – what the hell was happening to me?
Leaving the elevator I took a quick right and then a left and made my way to my department’s designated work space… plunking down at my desk, turning on my computer, the lull of the machine normally puts my heart to ease, but this time, it was frustrating… my fingers were rapping the desk to some 99bpm. My knees started to shake.. the migraine began to pierce my head like a jackhammer – pain, debilitating short term pain, not something you couldn’t live with, but just pain that you didn’t need that early in the morning.
And then, like a ton of bricks, it hits me.. I need caffeine. The pain I’m feeling in my head is because of the caffeine, I need coffee and I need it now. Yes yes I know, it’s an addiction that gives you headaches if you don’t cater to it, stains your teeth, leaves you with nasty coffee breath, a diuretic (need I say more?) – but there’s nothing I can do about it.. I need coffee to start my day and then I might need some coffee before lunch and then I will definitely need coffee after lunch to give me that final push to the day’s finish line.
My derived use of coffee is split down the middle, I like the taste of it when it’s good coffee, and I use it to jolt my system. I’m a regulated addict, I’ll drink it when I need to pick myself up and I’ll drink it whenever I feel like it. it just does so many wondrous things to your heartbeat that you can’t really ignore the benefits of coffee..
When this whole thing started, I was particular with my coffee consumption; i had to be drinking something decent. I refused to go near the instant coffee tin at the office, save that for when you’re trapped in a hidden bunker hiding from the fascists. I’ve been known to slum it and drink the instant or folgers, but the pains in my stomach afterwards are just not worth it. And after a family donation, I was the proud owner of an unused Espresso machine that now resides at our designated workspace. She’s my little baby, she’s temperamental at times and can kick up a fuss, but she does get me going. Her steamer doesn’t work as well as I’d like it too, but she does give me good head, of espresso that is..
It didn’t take long before we’d become world-class baristas: Americanos, Macchiatos, lattes, we even created our own version of the cappuccino – notquiteuccino (told you the steamer doesn’t work). It’s not like we’re dolts that spend all our money ordering from these overpriced coffee houses (that does happen though) – no we buy our ground beans and make our own deliciously tasting coffee… well not right now, because it seems my coffee connection “Midel” can’t seem to find me a regular sized bag of ground espresso, and they’re trying to push the 1 kilo bag of pure Café Colombia.
This started with me being angry at my caffeine addiction and turned into my love affair with coffee and the little krups that could. Don’t you wish you worked with me? On the plus side, you’d be drinking delicious coffee. On the minus, you’d be dealing with highly caffeinated people who would probably get you to sing along to some Sinatra tune – maybe even some 50cent..
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
weekend talk..
The lack of posting is because I've been spending my time in a seminar in Dubai with Maury the Big Swinging you know what ex private equity banker of bankers. Happy Days Maury Happy Days. I've also been missing an internet connection, and now luckily find myself infront of an Afghani laptop that's got welcome to Kabul stickers on it (no kidding).
It's week 3 of building your weekend vocabulary with edu - So here are this week's words that you must and i mean must, incorporate into your conversations. i think you'll like this episode, me and waseem think they're so funny..
Word #1 Tomfoolery
Word #2 Preposterous
Word #3 Whimsical
I'm working on something.. be patient..
It's week 3 of building your weekend vocabulary with edu - So here are this week's words that you must and i mean must, incorporate into your conversations. i think you'll like this episode, me and waseem think they're so funny..
Word #1 Tomfoolery
Word #2 Preposterous
Word #3 Whimsical
I'm working on something.. be patient..
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
kalimaat
If you've just stumbled across this blog, then welcome, if you've been here before, then welcome back. I present you with the second episode of "building up your vocabulary with edu"... Last week I gave you three words to slip into your weekend vocabulary. This week, I have three new words for you to squeeze in your conversations with the boss, your loved one, the barman at your watering hole, et cetera et cetera et cetera.
Contrary to what my friend Mahmood from the hitlicious mahmood.tv says, using these words will not get you ahead at work, they will not grow more hair on your chest, they might get people around you to question your sanity, but they will definitely make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.. so here we go..
Word #1: Zing
Word #2: Shilly-Shally
Word #3: Formidable
good luck people, may the words be with you..
Contrary to what my friend Mahmood from the hitlicious mahmood.tv says, using these words will not get you ahead at work, they will not grow more hair on your chest, they might get people around you to question your sanity, but they will definitely make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.. so here we go..
Word #1: Zing
Word #2: Shilly-Shally
Word #3: Formidable
good luck people, may the words be with you..
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
TV
My favorite comedic (you might have to be from this part of the world to appreciate comedic) show of recent years was Arrested Development (fuck you very much fox network for canceling the only good program in your lineup). I got tired of Friends when I realized that it’s humanly impossible for those bums to be able to afford an apartment that big in Manhattan. Seinfeld got boring when you started chronicling the serious based on Jerry’s ridiculous haircuts. Law and Order got tedious after they made spin off a spin-off: Law and Order: the records department. All those ongoing legal dramas, who knew Boston had so many law firms and so much tension in them? The stupid teen dramas were so far fetched that it was ridiculously unbelievable for that kid with the cowboy hat to fit in Beverly Hills…
Then came the wave of reality TV, where everything was about putting Real People in front of the camera and filming it. Mary-Ellis Bunim held the world ransom with her Real World series and everything else, while Mark Burnett conned the world into making people live like animals on survivor for a measly million dollars. What happened next? A onslaught of the stupidest tv shows ever imaginable: Joe Millionaire, the Bachelor, the Bachelorette, Temptation Island, Mr. Perfect, Trading Spouses, Who cut the Cheese, who wants to be a wrestler, the apprentice, the list just goes on and on. They even had a reality tv show about failed reality tv stars trying to make a real movie, but the process of making the movie was a reality tv show – fuckin’ lame-o. The one thing you can take from these Reality TV shows is how gullible people are when it comes to spoon feeding them something to watch.. You take a bunch of people, throw them on a deserted island, give them 40 days and a bunch of tasks and then let them vote each other off… to me that was just half assed reality tv. If you’re gonna do it, you might as well do it all the way, go for gold. Throw those people on a deserted island, break them up into two teams, make them fight it out to the death and then when there’s one winner left, give him/her the money. They just outlived those other contestants, I’d watch that. Put in real emotion, have revenge twists where the family of one of the dead contestants is put on the island with AK47s and has three hours to extract revenge. As for the Real world, why don’t you really make it like the Real World and throw these people out on the street, or put them all in a 1 bedroom apartment, let them get jobs, let them try to survive, that’s when people really stop being nice…
Today’s TV has evolved to the next popular wave… now you have all these TV series with action and adventure, intense drama and humor. Some have outlived their useful life, while others are still plowing along. I thought I’d single out some of the more popular shows..
Sopranos – Great show but,, HBO should’ve killed everyone at least a season ago.. this is dragging a little too much.. Wiseguys running around Jersey, making the garden state appealing in a mobster kinda way - It’s JERSEY WTF!! Thanks to the defamation of Italian Americans, you now have a bunch of morons saying Bada Bing and hey fughedaboudit. I love all gangster movies, but thanks to the intense popularity of this show, you’ve got middle aged, overweight mortgage brokers in long island hoping to get cast as Tony’s “other cousin” Roberto, the one that just mysteriously showed up to give the story another season. I seriously did see a headshot of an overweight mortgage broker from long island wearing a black leather coat and holding a 357 magnum, ready to “off” somebody for a role. It’s the fucking Cosa Nostra! Not some carnival freak show you take lightly – show some respect.
24 – Thanks to OBL and his Al Qaeda posse of “I’m right and you’re wrong so let me inflict pain on you to get my point through” assholes, 24 became the hottest shit on tv. America is constantly under attack and the entire season is 24 hours long.. How much trouble can American get into in 24 hours? Apparently enough to resurrect Keifer Sutherland’s Career – you lost me with the musketeers movie Keifer.. you lost me..
CSI – following the Police Dramas now Crime Scene Investigators are the “in” heroes. They find the evidence to implicate people in crimes. Pretty cool right? yeah it actually is. Except for the unbelievable fact that the CSI team is so smart that they should actually be giving college lectures instead of searching for DNA with a cotton bud. What I also don’t understand is what is the CSI budget like? I mean the team in Las Vegas have all sorts of cool experiment aiding equipment: pressure testers, volatile chemicals, gadgets and gizmos, all sorts of custom modified gear. And how believable is it that the CSI team is hip and happening and everyone’s very beautiful?
Sex and the City – Damn you 4 ladies for making my life more of a living hell.. if it wasn’t for the odd nude scene every once in a while, there was no way I was going to be able to enjoy the show. I admit the first season and a half were very interesting (when the stars could pass for women in their early to mid thirties looking for love in all the wrong places). A novel show with a fresh approach to being 4 single women in the big city, each with her own agenda. The show blew up, and HBO had another winner. To me, Sex and the City lost its shine when prime time family sitcoms started quoting stuff from the show. You know everything’s gone downhill when an ABC Friday lineup sitcom is discussing Sex and the City and the slutty one’s love interest, the shawarma guy. The show’s over and there will be no more of those 4 ladies roaming New York looking for love in all the wrong places, well except on the rerun loop of eternity. Personally, I think the producers had to make a judgement call, who wants to watch 4 single middle aged women in New York discussing menopause – save that for, Golden Girls “The Next Generation”.
Lost (aka crack cocaine) – I can’t help it.. It’s just one kick in the nuts after another. When you think you finally have a grasp on what’s going on, the show throws you another curveball leaving you as clueless as an anagram solving dyslexic. Basic story – plane crashes on an island, survivors try to survive, all sorts of shit happens. There are holes in the story, but I’m still watching and I’m still addicted. Right now, because you’re in the dark (and have no clue as to where the plot’s heading), any shred of information that’s thrown your way puts you in a catatonic state and rushes through your blood stream making you want more.
So what has this ridiculous rambling on current TV taught us? Absafuckinlootly nothing, just wanted to go off on a rant. TV shows get milked and then butchered and exploited for everything they’re worth, and the networks survive on conning the viewer and sucking him/her in. Example: Matt Groening chained to his desk, by FOX (you guys were already on my shit list for your stupid news station, now you’re on my “sandnigga’s gonna go postal on you” list – what? I can say it, can’t I?) trying to think of the next Simpsons escapade. Or how about the nonstop reruns of Seinfeld and Friends – seriously guys, the party’s over, the only person that’s still laughing are the characters from those sitcoms with their royalty checks. Waitaminute… I think I’ve figured out the reason for this post – because you people were busy watching these stupid shows and not ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, FOX cancelled my favorite show. Damn you Nielsens, DAMN YOU ALL!!!
Then came the wave of reality TV, where everything was about putting Real People in front of the camera and filming it. Mary-Ellis Bunim held the world ransom with her Real World series and everything else, while Mark Burnett conned the world into making people live like animals on survivor for a measly million dollars. What happened next? A onslaught of the stupidest tv shows ever imaginable: Joe Millionaire, the Bachelor, the Bachelorette, Temptation Island, Mr. Perfect, Trading Spouses, Who cut the Cheese, who wants to be a wrestler, the apprentice, the list just goes on and on. They even had a reality tv show about failed reality tv stars trying to make a real movie, but the process of making the movie was a reality tv show – fuckin’ lame-o. The one thing you can take from these Reality TV shows is how gullible people are when it comes to spoon feeding them something to watch.. You take a bunch of people, throw them on a deserted island, give them 40 days and a bunch of tasks and then let them vote each other off… to me that was just half assed reality tv. If you’re gonna do it, you might as well do it all the way, go for gold. Throw those people on a deserted island, break them up into two teams, make them fight it out to the death and then when there’s one winner left, give him/her the money. They just outlived those other contestants, I’d watch that. Put in real emotion, have revenge twists where the family of one of the dead contestants is put on the island with AK47s and has three hours to extract revenge. As for the Real world, why don’t you really make it like the Real World and throw these people out on the street, or put them all in a 1 bedroom apartment, let them get jobs, let them try to survive, that’s when people really stop being nice…
Today’s TV has evolved to the next popular wave… now you have all these TV series with action and adventure, intense drama and humor. Some have outlived their useful life, while others are still plowing along. I thought I’d single out some of the more popular shows..
Sopranos – Great show but,, HBO should’ve killed everyone at least a season ago.. this is dragging a little too much.. Wiseguys running around Jersey, making the garden state appealing in a mobster kinda way - It’s JERSEY WTF!! Thanks to the defamation of Italian Americans, you now have a bunch of morons saying Bada Bing and hey fughedaboudit. I love all gangster movies, but thanks to the intense popularity of this show, you’ve got middle aged, overweight mortgage brokers in long island hoping to get cast as Tony’s “other cousin” Roberto, the one that just mysteriously showed up to give the story another season. I seriously did see a headshot of an overweight mortgage broker from long island wearing a black leather coat and holding a 357 magnum, ready to “off” somebody for a role. It’s the fucking Cosa Nostra! Not some carnival freak show you take lightly – show some respect.
24 – Thanks to OBL and his Al Qaeda posse of “I’m right and you’re wrong so let me inflict pain on you to get my point through” assholes, 24 became the hottest shit on tv. America is constantly under attack and the entire season is 24 hours long.. How much trouble can American get into in 24 hours? Apparently enough to resurrect Keifer Sutherland’s Career – you lost me with the musketeers movie Keifer.. you lost me..
CSI – following the Police Dramas now Crime Scene Investigators are the “in” heroes. They find the evidence to implicate people in crimes. Pretty cool right? yeah it actually is. Except for the unbelievable fact that the CSI team is so smart that they should actually be giving college lectures instead of searching for DNA with a cotton bud. What I also don’t understand is what is the CSI budget like? I mean the team in Las Vegas have all sorts of cool experiment aiding equipment: pressure testers, volatile chemicals, gadgets and gizmos, all sorts of custom modified gear. And how believable is it that the CSI team is hip and happening and everyone’s very beautiful?
Sex and the City – Damn you 4 ladies for making my life more of a living hell.. if it wasn’t for the odd nude scene every once in a while, there was no way I was going to be able to enjoy the show. I admit the first season and a half were very interesting (when the stars could pass for women in their early to mid thirties looking for love in all the wrong places). A novel show with a fresh approach to being 4 single women in the big city, each with her own agenda. The show blew up, and HBO had another winner. To me, Sex and the City lost its shine when prime time family sitcoms started quoting stuff from the show. You know everything’s gone downhill when an ABC Friday lineup sitcom is discussing Sex and the City and the slutty one’s love interest, the shawarma guy. The show’s over and there will be no more of those 4 ladies roaming New York looking for love in all the wrong places, well except on the rerun loop of eternity. Personally, I think the producers had to make a judgement call, who wants to watch 4 single middle aged women in New York discussing menopause – save that for, Golden Girls “The Next Generation”.
Lost (aka crack cocaine) – I can’t help it.. It’s just one kick in the nuts after another. When you think you finally have a grasp on what’s going on, the show throws you another curveball leaving you as clueless as an anagram solving dyslexic. Basic story – plane crashes on an island, survivors try to survive, all sorts of shit happens. There are holes in the story, but I’m still watching and I’m still addicted. Right now, because you’re in the dark (and have no clue as to where the plot’s heading), any shred of information that’s thrown your way puts you in a catatonic state and rushes through your blood stream making you want more.
So what has this ridiculous rambling on current TV taught us? Absafuckinlootly nothing, just wanted to go off on a rant. TV shows get milked and then butchered and exploited for everything they’re worth, and the networks survive on conning the viewer and sucking him/her in. Example: Matt Groening chained to his desk, by FOX (you guys were already on my shit list for your stupid news station, now you’re on my “sandnigga’s gonna go postal on you” list – what? I can say it, can’t I?) trying to think of the next Simpsons escapade. Or how about the nonstop reruns of Seinfeld and Friends – seriously guys, the party’s over, the only person that’s still laughing are the characters from those sitcoms with their royalty checks. Waitaminute… I think I’ve figured out the reason for this post – because you people were busy watching these stupid shows and not ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, FOX cancelled my favorite show. Damn you Nielsens, DAMN YOU ALL!!!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
3 words
Ok here’s the story: I’m going to start making you all play my game.. It’s called “improving your random vocabulary with edu”.. Very simple, in fact it’s so simple, you’re gonna love it.. I pick three words in the middle of every week (I’m hoping every week, if I can get off my ass and make it happen).. It’s up to you to incorporate these three words into your vocabulary this weekend (whenever that may be).. They might be colorful, maybe nice sounding, maybe boring, who knows. But I guarantee you this, incorporating these words into your informal chitchatting will make you feel warm and fuzzy, or your money back. And that’s my guarantee..
Word #1: Saucy.
Word #2: Bamboozle.
Word #3: Pernicious.
Good luck with slipping these words in..
Word #1: Saucy.
Word #2: Bamboozle.
Word #3: Pernicious.
Good luck with slipping these words in..
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