I rant you risten

Monday, March 12, 2007

vocabulario IV

The time to crunch is upon us and I will be taking a break from you folk indefinitely.. So,,, the kids, the dog and me are all taking off for a little need to sort out my real life breather, the real life where I’m not explaining myself to a computer screen.. yeah that real life.. Here is this, the last vocabulario for a while.. enjoy it,, stretch them out.. if you can use gadzooks this week - I’ll be impressed..




Gadzooks!! What method of skullduggery is this? Bahraini rants flapdoodling about and disappearing on me again? I don’t trust him or his vocabularizing filler posts..

Take care folks.. be good and see you soon.. leave a comment if you like, I promise to write back.. And if you just can’t get enough, well then, go listen to Gohan yell it through your speakers.. huraaaahh..

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Kuwait and its Kiwis

Random tripping with D..

A couple of hours were spent in the Mubarakiya souk where D and I traversed through the various streets and dusty alleys trying to find something interesting to buy or take pictures of.... We left with a tetris puzzle, some shape shifting toys, an oversized foam puck that hovers (battery operated), and some interesting shots.. Killing off some time till lunch, I then ended up taking a picture of a gun shop and got yelled at by the owner, who thought I was a journalist. He eventually laughed off my slightly tense Bahraini accent and let me go my way (you would be tense if you saw all the rifles and scary looking employees). Mental note to self, the customer is always right, except in a gun store.

Booze and Big Squeeze..

The number one conversation of my weekend in Kuwait centered on an article in the local papers that mentioned an imminent alcohol ban in Bahrain. After going into a detailed analysis and providing my personal opinion over 10 ten times, I got tired and began truncating my reply with a “don’t worry about it”. I still haven’t figured out if the people I spoke to were happy alcohol might be banned or whether they were worried about their own weekend excursions. The thought of having to find a dealer for booze is a little funny, not trying to rub it in, it’s just funny, I laugh at the Doobyians about this one too..

Drinking in restaurants james bondishly was an interesting experience, bringing out a level of sneakiness I haven’t felt since I was in high school or at a party my parents were throwing. I did end up forgetting where I was a couple of times and ordered a vodka from the uninterested waitress. My no no was quickly laughed off as a joke and I continued to drink my friends’ stash and merrily talked the night away. In house boozing was fun as hell and the convos and chilled out atmo is what really makes it, or maybe I was just happy to be in Kuwait doing the dirty.. The party scene is pretty happening and i was impressed with everyone's fun vibe. You gotta be on the list otherwise Bu'Francois wont let you through the private villa velvet ropes..

With Great Friends:

Nothing changes... 7 years ago, we were 5 or so lads hanging about an apartment on a Friday afternoon pondering our plans for the evening and discussing matters of no relevance.. Some on the computer downloading something crass, some playing video games, some ordering food and one particular person hanging out in his undershirt.. 7 years later, the same 5 guys, a little older, but back to hanging out, our discussions of hot Colombians and super models were replaced with more adult talk. Some grey hairs, some gained weight, but for the most part we still played video games and that same guy was still in his undershirt.. It’s nice to pick up exactly where you all left off. Also, leave it to my old amigo to discover a great hole in the wall Thai restaurant for a nice masaman curry.. Pataya Beach Restaurant – good, cheap, and dangerous - typical..

This post to you was brought by:

The location in Hawali might be a little bothersome, but GO NUTS DONUTS has to be one of the best donuts I’ve tried in a really long time.. Although I do like the brand that we do not speak of but begins with K and ends with a rispy Kreme, Go Nuts Donuts does stand as a delicious donut. I got to sample quite a few of their products and I must say, it was the first time I have a chocolate donut that had real Belgian chocolate drizzled on it - unreal.. If you’re looking for fresh Donuts from a brand that really puts an emphasis on quality, look them up, you wont be sorry.. This might seem as barefaced endorsement, it is important to note that I personally don’t eat donuts, but loved these.. Call and order some delivered to your office..


KDD gold ice cream (vanilla ice cream cone with chocolate and nuts) is the holy grail of gold ice creams, Danish dairy wide -BDD you’ve lost your appeal. I was amazed really.. Lorenzo’s pies are overrated, come to Bahrain and try Luigi’s and then decide – ummhmm.. Sandstorms there are pretty nasty, and when I mean nasty all that was left was me exhaling dust rings.. They take caffeine to another level – if you think your coffee consumption is bad, head to Kuwait and you’ll see real caffeine consumption.. Kuwait Airways have the most inept staff I’ve ever seen, why have a self-check in machine if there’s no one to show you how to use it? And you guys need to work on your attitude… Villa Moda is a seriously beautiful department store, hats off..

It’s always fantastic seeing your old posse, and when your conversations involve talking shop, music, future directions, ex-girlfriends, media, and robot genatilia, you can be sure it’s a good time..

A ginormous thanks for the great time to my old friends and a nice to meet you to my new friends in Kuwait.. except you wehbee, I still hate you..

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

food related randomatica

What kind of fast food person are you?
When it comes to “fast food” I believe there are two types of people: pizza people and burger people.. You can like both, in fact many people do, including yours truly. But if they put a slice of pizza and a burger in front of you and you had to choose just one, what would it be? Lets assume taste is not a factor here, either of them will be the delicious meal you crave. See, I’m a big fan of both, but when the line is drawn and I have to pick, it will be burger over the pizza all the time… I’m still not sure what the answers from this question will generate in terms of someone’s personality, but I’m still working on finding the correlation. Which one will you choose anonymous reader that never comments? I’m talking to you Reston, Virginia…

Microwaves at work
An important topic since we all hate the permeating smells that waft through our hallways mid morning.. Fish, reheated in the microwave at work, what’s your take? I am on the side of the fence that feels it’s wrong, very wrong, and it indubitably stinks up the entire floor – there should be a law prohibiting the use of fish and microwaves.. grill, bake, poach, fry, anything else is fine, but microwave? fish? That’s disgusting - reheat in the oven if you must, but don't nuke nemo. Raise of hands, who’s on my side with this? What kind of person has those brilliant ideas to begin with? I just couldn’t possibly finish off the last fillet of salmon, I know, I’ll just reheat this at work tomorrow for my lunch in the microwave, oh i'm not worried something's going to happen to day old fish that's nuked, my stomach can handle it.. I’m of the belief that there should be a law prohibiting the use of fish and microwaves. Lets take a stand on this together.. no nuked fish..

what else stinks up the room or floor reheated in the microwave, hmm Reston, Virginia?

Redbull argument with the supervisor at the canteen.
Hello, are you the supervisor?

Yes sir how can I help you

I’m happy you asked. I have a problem with how much you charge for Redbull here.. You charge 600 fils per can, where everywhere else in Bahrain charges 500 fils. Now I understand that 100 fils extra isn’t that big of price hike, but if you do the math, you’re charging a 20% increase compared to any other store or supermarket. Considering that you charge regular market rates for all your other drinks and food stuffs, I’m wondering why you charge 600 fils per Redbull instead of 500 fils.

Sir we have 8 locations and for the past year we’ve charged 600 fils, no one complains..

Yes that’s all fine and dandy, but I know you get your Redbull at wholesale, and if the rest of the market is happy with the profit they’re making by charging 500 fils, that’s a little greedy and on your part to charge 600 fils. With regards to your 8 locations, have you conducted any studies as to how many Redbulls are sold? And if you lowered the cost to the market rate, how many more cans would you sell.. have you researched this?

I’ll look into it.

I’m just saying that I would end up saving 1 dinar a week if not more if you just adjusted your price to the market price. That’s 52 dinars a year, insignificant week in week out, but it adds up. All you’re doing is deterring me from buying Redbull from you.. that and creating a negative image of your brand as a whole in my mind.

Ok sir I’ll look into it..

And other people know this too, they wont buy Redbull from here because you charge 20% more. It’s only 100 fils, but we play with numbers all day and a 20% increase is a rip off all things considered.. you’re trying to sell a product at an over inflated price to people who make a living out of skimming.. do you understand what I mean?

Ok sir I’ll look into it.. but across 8 locations..

..What’s to stop me from buying everything at retail price and selling it 550 fils, or 500 fils just to spite you.. wouldn’t you feel pretty upset that someone else is selling to market and you’re losing out on all that business? Cause I would definitely go and get a letter of no objection from the company to open up a side business and sell redbull outside your canteen..

ok sir, i'll check..

Realizing the futility of my words and the exasperation from my needed caffeine fix, I gave up, paid for my 20% inflated Redbull and made my way back to my floor. Are you happy now Reston, Virginia?

Sunday, March 04, 2007


Well it’s Sunday, the beginning of the week for us in this part of the world that get Fridays and Saturdays off.. I don’t know about you lot, but the vocabularios of recent have been a little heavy on the prudent scale of fascinating words.. I thought this week we could try to use words that were a little more interesting to pronounce. So here are my three words, look at yourself in the mirror and say them out loud, drop one of them across your dinner conversation, or maybe even have a meltdown and yell one out loud.. I especially like them…




I hope you don’t think I’m taking a didactic approach with these vocabularios, my intentions truly rest in the desire to help relay the quiddity of this exercise week in and week out. It is my hope to eventually organize the higgledy-piggledy collection into a fully functioning index of odd words that we can all learn to love.

On a completely unrelated note..
I’ve started the Bahrain Monocle club.. 4 people have already purchased the magazine’s first issue as per my recommendation, and I’m sure there are a couple of people in Kuwait that will buy the magazine just to shut me up.. Tyler Brûlé, you can now sleep safe at night knowing that your Middle East sales are doing just fine thanks to the crafty and selfless promoting of a certain bahraini rants.

Friday, March 02, 2007

rex the barbary falcon

Sometimes i get blue.. when that happens, i find this guy hanging around on the ledge outside my window at work... he comes over, pauses and gives me a look "khey man, everything cool? you look a little down, you look like you could use some cheering up".

he's a Barbary falcon (a subspecies of the Peregrine), flies through Bahrain when the weather's nice, and is missing a talon - i call him rex. if you haven't noticed, rex is a total camera whore..

this is him peering through my window trying to get my attention, but still acting cool about it.. it's around this time that i drop everything i'm doing to snap a couple of shots on my cameraphone (the little 2 megapixel that could)...

this is his, "lets get the prerequisite symbols of Arabia photoshoot out of the way first and then we'll talk".. notice the serious look on his face, the prestige, the piercing glaze in his eyes, the determination.. i think we all know who'd win the staring you down contest..

you talkin to me bitch? huh? i said, you talkin to me? i don't see no other bird on this ledge but me so you must be talkin to me.. do not get my feathers ruffled man, you're biting off more than your molars can chew. i will claw out your eyeballs and nest my eggs in your bleeding warm sockets.. do not get my feathers ruffled man..

this is rex right before he's off to kill a pigeon or some innocent animal. scoping out the scene, he turns for one last photo. lets wrap this up, i feel my right side is my best side, what do you think? total camera whore i tell you..

so that's rex, the falcon that just comes and hangs out.

always does wonders for my mood..