ishrig and cleansing

Historically, the last Wednesday before Ramadan has always been a busy time in Bahraini homes… Bahraini’s, being the cool holistic cats that they are, cleansed and detoxed their systems to ring in the coming holy month properly. They used to drink a strange combination of leaves, roots and branches called “ishrig”, mixed up by the local Hawaj (apothecary) and brewed into a god awful drink to help cleanse your system. In other words, a diuretic with the devastating outcome reminiscent of a raging cyclone steriods, nice enough picture for you?

A couple of years back, right before the start of Ramadan, I jokingly mentioned to my father about wanting to cleanse my system before fasting. He replied with giving ishrig a try, and I said, why not. My why not was met with a very disdainful scoff and grave statement that will forever ring in my ears, “if you do take ishrig, you will not leave the house for a while, and you will feel pain, insurmountable pain”. He then regaled me with stories of his childhood on attempted escapes from the clutches of his house to avoid drinking the stuff. Let me tell you, the ol’man has a pretty high tolerance for weird herbal remedies, and if he’s adding a disclaimer to ishrig, then this stuff was pretty bad.

But of course me and my father have this very XY chromosome chest thumping dare double dare contest perpetually going on, and we agree to drink ishrig together and deal with consequences (a previous contest between us was betting the waiter at an Indian restaurant on how hot they could make their lamb vindaloo and then who was man enough to eat it all – end result, a very painful evening with no real winner). His claims of me not being able to handle it were met with my pointing out his old age and inability to re-hydrate fast enough.. In keeping with traditions and all gentlemanly rules, we set the date for the last Wednesday before Ramadan to cleanse our systems, and see who’s made of mettle and who’s a yellow belly baby..

The day of the test: the Ishrig arrives at our house in a sealed bag which looked as though someone walked through a forest, scooped up a bunch of leaves and branches and roots from the ground and placed them in a bag, dirt and all. The instructions were there and the ol’man and me decided to get ready. Brewed up for our pleasure, a massive jug of black water gets placed in front of me and I must’ve had this worrying look on my face because my dad let out a mocking snicker. A quick sniff of the jug and I pull my head back in disgust. It was as though someone fed a goat everything from spoiled fruits & vegetables, to meat that’s been left out in the sun, to tin cans that previously housed baked beans, to sewer style garbage; then cut the goat’s stomach open and that’s what you smelt, absolutely rancid. But this was no time to show that I was already considering chickening out, soldier on I must.

Two glasses poured in front of us and he turns to me, “listen, drink it all in one shot, the entire glass, if you don’t, you will not be able to keep it down…” Wrapping my fingers around the glass, the warmth of the recently brewed ishrig reminded me of how real this was. But after all this is a tradition of my country and I wasn’t going to live my life without having tried it once. Breathing from my mouth, I applied my lips to the rim of the glass and began to chug.. my dad, looking at me starts chugging too and his eyes widen with that frat boy look “oh yeah come on, lets see what you got frosh..” I cannot tell you how bad this stuff tasted because it was so traumatically horrible that it’s been blocked from my memory, but I did manage to knock a glass back. Wiping my mouth, remnants of some black stuff remained on my arm, the aftertaste was painful, but at least the hard part was over.

Then my father pours me another glass and the fires of fear get stoked once again. “what are you doing?” “there’s half a jug left, what do you think I’m doing, we have to finish this” “ you must be mad, I can’t do another glass, isn’t one enough?” “Come on, you want the experience don’t you? this is it, the experience is in the second glass”. And with that, I again feel the warmth of the glass on my fingers and again take a succession of deep breaths to psyche myself up. We start chugging again to see who can drink faster, but this time the aftertaste of the ishrig and the bottom of the jug sediment is starting to catch me off guard. Midway through my chug, I drop my head down and stop drinking.. He was right, the minute you stop drinking, the idea of throwing up becomes invitingly plausible… I don’t have to put up with this disgusting flavor, I could throw up, wash this all down with a cola and be fine.. But my pride got in the way and I had to be satisfied with one and a half glasses. I understood how traumatic this would be for a child having this forced down his throat back in the day.. so I gave up.

Victoriously forcing the final gulp of his second glass, my father wipes his mouth with his sleeve.. His bellowing laugh is enough to crush my hopes of triumph - yes he won the drinking ishrig contest, but I was still in this race, all was not lost, maybe I could rouse an upset with the final outcome, just maybe..

So we sat there waiting, in the living room, watching tv but not really focusing, both wondering when the turbulence was going to start. When the pain was going to come, and when it did, I traversed across the plains of detoxification cleansing with little ease.

I will spare you the details, because this is not an essay in scatology so to speak, but more about the experience. You will feel pain in your stomach as though someone was trying to squeeze your intestines into a ball and shoot some hoops. Your body will push out junk that has been in your system that has been there for ages and it will not smell good. Magazines, crossword puzzles, and lots of bathroom reading will help you through it all. Yes it was dehydrating, I was wiped out, the more water I drank the more water I lost.. But end of the day when everything was all said and done, and the sweat from my brow was wiped.. When I could actually sit down for a prolonged period of time without having to hear strange noises from my stomach, I looked over to my dad and gave him the winning thumbs up.. All his years of yoga and careful eating made his experience a lot easier than me.. He gave me a supportive nod and we vowed to take it easy with our male ego contests…

It was that day, that after many years of abuse, junk food, and other unspeakable acts that my tortured body was set free. I was lighter, I was happier and I was healthier. The journey was a tough one, but the end result was worth it all. Ramadan came and went, and I felt fantastic for quite some time.. Until the burgers and fries found their way back into my belly, and the processed sugars along with the preservatives and artificial flavorings...

Overall experience, I highly recommend this detoxification.. a little bit of history with a little bit of taking care of yourself.. I’m just wondering if I can relive the horrors and go through it again next week before Ramadan comes along..

rex the barbary falcon

Sometimes i get blue.. when that happens, i find this guy hanging around on the ledge outside my window at work... he comes over, pauses and gives me a look "khey man, everything cool? you look a little down, you look like you could use some cheering up".

he's a Barbary falcon (a subspecies of the Peregrine), flies through Bahrain when the weather's nice, and is missing a talon - i call him rex. if you haven't noticed, rex is a total camera whore..

this is him peering through my window trying to get my attention, but still acting cool about it.. it's around this time that i drop everything i'm doing to snap a couple of shots on my cameraphone (the little 2 megapixel that could)...

this is his, "lets get the prerequisite symbols of Arabia photoshoot out of the way first and then we'll talk".. notice the serious look on his face, the prestige, the piercing glaze in his eyes, the determination.. i think we all know who'd win the staring you down contest..

you talkin to me bitch? huh? i said, you talkin to me? i don't see no other bird on this ledge but me so you must be talkin to me.. do not get my feathers ruffled man, you're biting off more than your molars can chew. i will claw out your eyeballs and nest my eggs in your bleeding warm sockets.. do not get my feathers ruffled man..

this is rex right before he's off to kill a pigeon or some innocent animal. scoping out the scene, he turns for one last photo. lets wrap this up, i feel my right side is my best side, what do you think? total camera whore i tell you..


so that's rex, the falcon that just comes and hangs out.

always does wonders for my mood..

improving images

This falls more under the guise of constructive criticism, so whomever comes out feeling offended, take note that this is because I want to see you do well and I want you to have my business, rather than ignore you and write you off. The dated philosophy of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” still floats freely around in Bahrain and that just does not sit well with me. Establishments that we once held as beacons of development and tourism around the island are now decrepit cesspits of rancor and filth. The 80s were filled with various enterprises with hotels, restaurants and social clubs where you could spend your money and enjoy yourself.. Today, those same enterprises still exist, however they have remained in the exact same condition and level of service as when they were christened.

Bahrain is a natural regional tourism hub. We have a bridge connecting us with Saudi Arabia, and every weekend we get visitors from Kuwait, Saudi, and other GCC neighbors that come and spend their money. We also get visitors from all over the world that decide to come over for a quick stop en route to another destination out east. So all in all, we’re not doing too badly with the amount of tourists we can draw to our sunny archipelago of islands. Now unfortunately, some of these tourists are alcohol and women obsessed fiends that I do not care to comment on because it will just enrage you. You see, people come to visit Bahrain and say it attracts all the scum that look to have fun and run amuck, a statement that is not entire untrue because we have establishments that actually promote this kind of clientele. To the establishment, this clientele brings money in on a weekly basis so why should they care? It’s not a big deal that a guest might end up inebriated beyond any point of cohesion and walk around the hotel completely naked. Nor does it bother the hotel management that the guests get so drunk that they could very well end up assaulting a member of the staff, maybe even another guest.

We have our 5 star hotels and they have their own rules and management practices handed down to them by their corporate office, so they end up doing a decent job of running an acceptable establishment. But the way I see it, we have enough families, expats, and regular folk living outside that would love to come to Bahrain and spend their weekends someplace else. In fact, if we offered them something other than the traditional 5 star hotels (that already have their dedicated clientele), more people will come. So I started thinking (a problem I know), what can we do to make Bahrain a better tourist destination? And the first step was quite simple, better establishments.

Not to say we missed the gravy train, but boutique hotels came en vogue and have now become a standard in many cities all over the world. A facelift, some renovations, improved training for your staff, some real involvement and there you have it – charge more money, get some decent exposure and watch your occupancy rates swell up. I cannot begin to explain how some hotels quickly turned around their image and their star rating with a little fixing up. A quality establishment worth frequenting, a place with a committed management, an innovative perspective – that will draw the crowds in. I know this sounds a lot easier than it actually is, but just read on and hear me out.

Driving by the Mansoori Mansions, a 4 star hotel located in Adliya that hasn’t done much to improve their image since the heyday of the 80s – I started thinking more about what can be done. The location is perfectly situated in Adlilya, a busy neighborhood in Bahrain, lots of restaurants in the vicinity, and central in terms of location in the capital. The problem the hotel is currently facing, although I don’t know if the management and owners know is: Their atmosphere is weighing on the stale than fresh (I will not comment on the rooms since I’ve never seen), their restaurant sizzlers that hasn’t changed their menu since it opened with a price tag that doesn’t justify their quality which has plummeted over the years (you’ll pay the same price at other restaurants with a better ambience and menu), a ridiculously discriminatory door policy at their ancient glory days English bar henrys (two friends in suits were fed the members and couples only excuse when they swung by for a quick lunch - even the English have switched to gastropubs while henrys is still serving club sandwiches on regular white bread), a fenced plot of bare land near the hotel that is just there serving no purpose, and another irish bar across the street with what I’m told hasn’t much to offer. . I called the hotel and found their prices to be: BD20, BD45, and BD55 for their studio, 2 bedroom and 3 bedroom suites. That’s pretty bargain basement priced if you ask me for a 4 star hotel, but given the outside appearance of the hotel and the more than possible inside appearance of the rooms, maybe that’s all you can get.

Fret not Mr. Mansoori, who probably thinks the worst of me right now, here’s where the constructive criticism comes in: you have a perfect location, remember who your neighbors are (or aren’t), you can really turn your hotel around and make it something fantastic. First off, the name of the hotel is dated and does not give off anything but a less than 21st century image (“mansions” more like hovel). Off the top of my head, I can give you a couple of names. You’re a hotel in Adliya, you can operate a nightclub, you can operate a very good lounge and you can operate a restaurant all with liquor licenses with the utmost ease.. I don’t see why you can’t team up with some people, bring a nice restaurant to the hotel (it could be a luxury chain or your own concept, look at how well the other restaurants are doing in that area), you can have a nice bar/lounge and I guarantee you it will make people looking to visit Bahrain think twice about where they will book their rooms. If you’re stuck for options, then team up with an excellent spa and turn your boutique hotel into a full stop locale and see how well you do. You have a swimming pool? Well fix up that pool up and make it the hotel swimming pool to hang out at, an infinity pool, nice wood, and couple of objects d’art and you’re on a roll. Get yourself a good interior designer, keep it simple, have them redesign the rooms, or even spend a hefty amount of money, we’re not short on very cool hotels.. A young positive look on the place is much better than keeping it stagnant.. please innovate. I guarantee you, that if you pull this off, you will get more publicity from foreign publications and the press than you could have imagined, a spread in wallpaper magazine is just around the corner. I would even hit up the various megacompounds on the eastern province in Saudi Arabia and submit your hotel as an option for their residents when they come to Bahrain for the weekend. I’ve focused a lot of Mansoori Mansions because I really believe in the potential of their establishment with their location and everything they have going for them. Don’t misunderstand me as picking a fight, in fact this is more of a please be aware that you’ve lost a lot of customers, including my two friends that were turned down at lunchtime (and they used to be regulars). They can really pull off a coup and attract a returning clientele that will enjoy staying and dining there. Plus, you cannot deny the certain cool factor of a family hotel business that has existed for over 20 years and is now repositioning themselves as a viable alternative to the other 5 star hotels, they would definitely get my money. I think hotelier sounds pretty cool, don’t you? Adliya is a goldmine; don’t forget that, the more you delay the longer it will take for you to catch up.

I could talk about the Marina club (maybe another post), but I’m running out of steam. Or how about the delmon hotel and the city centre hotel in Manama, two of my favorite establishments in the souk with serious amounts of potential but also lacking in care. With the upcoming upgrades to the souk, do your research and create a specialized souk shopping expertise on what to find and where to find it in the alleys of central Manama. You hook up with a couple of the traders in the souk and you’re giving back to the community and providing your customers with a service. Think about the potential, I would definitely use their service when I had visitors from out of town and they wanted to wander around the souk looking for gifts. Enough with these bland brochures and the excuse that there’s not really much to show you.. There’s plenty to show you in Bahrain, you just need to dig it out, wrap it up nicely and the people will come, in droves.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe there's a bigger story that we don't know about, but it’s on my mind and I thought I’d share.. Speak up if you’ve got something constructive to say… or if you’re looking for a LBO in Bahrain, then here it is…

juicebox lovebox

I grew up in a very autocratic household when it came to what you were allowed to drink at lunch or during snack time. Smuggling soda into the house was always a dangerous game involving sliding the can into your backpack and transporting it into the house, you’d think we were transporting plutonium. If my mother, or anyone else on the snitch payroll found us with a can of soda/pop/cola, trouble would soon ensue with lectures about the rotting of teeth, exploding stomachs, and sugar-high driven crime sprees. The Draconian laws of my household weren’t just extended to carbonated beverages, minimum real juice in your juice box was regulated at 30%, anything below that, or any juice that began with sugar on the ingredients list was immediately deemed unacceptable.



One of the illegal and banned substances in my house was Sun Top, a regionally produced (with the help of the Danes) juicebox that came in a multitude of flavors containing: sugar, water, a dash of vitamins and about 10% actual juice or juice concentrate. Since the juice didn’t meet the minimum juice requirement, it was immediately placed on the embargoed super market shopping list. Now here’s the juicy bit: Sun Top’s marketing team came up with peelable stickers on the sides of every single juicebox involving a zany polar bear on all sorts of adventures (skiing, extreme sports, driving a sports car, roaming the desert, etc). They even took it a step further by releasing sticker albums for you to collect all the little stickers involving the Sun Top bear and his corresponding adventures. All the kids in school were drinking Sun Top and were able to fill up their sticker books and cover their folders on a daily basis. Flaunting their multicolored little albums, the stickers and their books became a widely accepted form of legal tender in the schoolyard. My protests to get Sun Top on the “safe list” in my house were met with a firm “no” and retorted with suggestions to take freshly squeezed orange juice instead. When I explained the nature of the stickers and how I needed them, I was directed to the death stare from depths of hades. To flirt with the illegality of it all, I took my Sun Top substance abuse to frightening levels – nothing was going to get in the way of little elementary school me filling up those sticker books. Whenever away from the prying eyes of any adult, I would guzzle juicebox after juicebox – filling my body up with all that bad sugar water, but also filling up my sticker book with the highly coveted polar bear walking the tightrope, him competing in the karate competition, and the hard to find Olympics series. Under the covers, in the bathroom, in supermarket aisles, the car, and any chance I got, I forced myself to drink Sun Top. In hindsight, the house rules were justified, I should’ve stuck with the healthy stuff; and the stickers, I don’t even remember what happened to them, probably trashed’em.

Thankfully, KDD (Kuwait Danish Dairy) juice was on the safe list at home, and we freely dabbled in the luscious nectar of mango and passion fruit. I don’t know how to put it without stroking anyone’s already over inflated ego, but KDD mango just might be the best mango juicebox on this planet. If you think I’m joking, then go out and buy yourself one, and see for yourself.. it’s not called mango nectar for nothing.. Some of my closest kiwi friends in Boston would get cases and cases of the stuff, that we carefully rationed out till the next shipment. The “vip kdd mango” status I enjoyed was greatly appreciated because of a number of things #1 nostalgia factor #2 cure for homesickness (being in boston in the winter, a little bit of home went a long way) #3 deliciousness #4 I could bend the ration ruling and drink as many as I wanted. Paal paaal paaal. It was called Mango Nectar, cause it was so thick and just tasted so nourishing... My ultimate KDD flavors in order: Mango, Passion Fruit, Fruit cocktail, Guava, Apple, Grape, and Grapefruit.. (not a big fan of the orange)..



Since returning to Bahrain, I’ve remained loyal to the KDD juices and work doesn’t feel right without a juicebox or two. Nothing says aaaaaah, like a nice cold slurp of passion fruit.. drinking this stuff really takes me back..

A big thank you goes out to Chan'ad for letting me swipe the suntop sticker picture off his blog.. cheers mate..

thoughts of the day

Something that I never really thought about up until recently, but have decided that I do not care for too much is the surf and turf concept at many restaurants. I just don’t understand the idea of meat and fish on the same plate. I can understand one course being a meat and the other seafood, but together on the same plate? Why would you want to mix two types of meat right there and then? This one of those things where mixing and matching just doesn’t seem to work, but people still seem to find grilled shrimp layered on top of your sirloin real classy. I bet these are the same people that order their steaks well done. Dumb Advert inviting me for “Reef and Beef” night at one of the upscale hotels in Dubai got me thinking about this.. Typical stupidity by a dumber than they seem marketing team.. but I’m sure people will go and eat, cause it’s a special.. Don’t get me started on specials..

We have discovered a new game based on keepie uppie, at the men’s restroom on my floor, and we’re calling it peepee uppie (if you have a better suggestion, I’m all ears..). We’ve got these little disinfectant cakes in the urinals at work; in fact they’re so little that they’re small enough to move around with a constant stream of pee. With careful aim and precision, you can move the little cake around the urinal with your pee and even float it up. The trick is to restrict yourself from a trip to the loo until you’re about to burst, then time yourself as you try to keep the little urinal cake floating up. It’s actually a lot more difficult than it sounds. It’s become a big secret tournament for those who pee at the Urinal (some weird arab thing, but some men just can’t seem to use a urinal). You female readers may think this is just absolutely asinine, but for the men reading this, my record is 7 seconds..

Over the past 6 months or so, I have been working on a secret camera phone project entitled, “pictures in elevators” (you were expecting something grand and elaborate weren’t you?). Anytime I’d have to take a trip up or down the elevator, I’d tow my cell phone with it’s magnificent 2-mega-pixel camera and then, using the mirror or some weird angle, try to take an interesting picture. I had my timing down perfectly: the elevator door opens up, no one’s inside, I slide my camera phone on and immediately start scouring for an angle.. I basically had enough time to snap a photo before I got to my floor or someone else walked into the elevator. I’ve got some blurry pictures, but even some of them turned out really cool. I even tried taking a shot with someone else in the elevator with me, but that got a little awkward when they noticed me trying to take the shot through the mirror. I’m telling you this because, one of my main studios, the office elevator, is being remodeled and they’ve removed the mirror. I’m a little disappointed that my project is coming to an end. The new elevator does look like a subzero fridge though, which is kinda cool and there is a little reflective space that I’m going to try out.. I’ll keep you posted..

With the weather changing for the better, getting your flu shot is the latest most talked about topic on the island. You think you might be coming down with something.. you should go to a clinic and get your flu shot for the year. I’m not saying the Flu shot doesn’t work when you’re coming down with something, but whatever happened to Echinacea and other natural remedies? People here on the island are so quick to get jabbed or take the advice of a doctor or pharmacist, before reading up about what they can do. A couple of weeks ago I came down with the flu, the result of a couple of inoculations. I decided to head over to the pharmacy and see what I can pick to make me feel better. The pharmacist hands me my flu medicine, which contains Pseudoephedrine (PSE), and I make a quick joke about “isn’t this now considered very dangerous?” She looked at me funny, so I tried to explain that medication with PSE is now highly monitored in the US because people cook up Methamphetamine (crystal meth) from it, forcing pharmacists to ask you all sorts of questions and limiting you to 3 packages for every 24-hour period. Her “deer caught in my headlights” look really put my mind to ease about trusting your pharmacist cause they know something about the medication they give you. I’m just thrilled that my pharmacist is keeping up with what’s happening in their field.

feelings on mahmood.tv being blocked

Ramadan: Day 29 or 30, depending...

It's been a while.. a little under the weather (thanks for asking) and then been busy preparing for an upcoming expedition into an undiscovered land. We're on day 30 of Ramadan and this is the final stretch.. This year (year three on br if you were wondering) in my holy month posting, I thought I'd wait till the end to digest everything and reflect. A discussion over some sheeshas brought about these points..

The importance of being a lemon.. juice, particularly lemon, is a staple beverage during this holy month. Different houses prepare their lemon juice according to their specific taste. Drinking lemon juice in Ramadan is like playing Russian Roulette, you’re never sure what it’s going to taste like. There's nothing like taking that first sip of juice and finding out the person who made it was fasting and didn't test the level of sweetness.. Starving yourself all day to fill your mouth with a nice sip of bitter lemon, mmm.. Sometimes the juice is either too diluted or too spiked with the zesty citrus burst of sour shock.. There's lemon with mint, even a lemon lime combination is not unheard of. Some people prefer to go packaged, although it's not how I roll, I'm not one to complain too much..

Eating was SO out this Ramadan.. A common occurrence at the meal table, no one's eating anything anymore.. I'm not doing any rice, I'm trying this hydate first eat later routine, I don't have an appetite after starving myself all day, I don't like to eat heavy to start, it’s a low carb holy diet, the list just goes on and on. As opposed to the regularly scheduled gluttonous massacres of the lamb carcass, people are opting for a soup salad combo… what has happened to us? All of a sudden, it's not cool to pig out for iftar.. Instead of packing on the pounds with fried tidbits, Muslims are slimming down with meditative fastation.

Everyone was about animation this Ramadan… this month is the equivalent of our sweeps season on tv.. Advertisers scramble for a slot, while production studios push out their soap operas, religious, historical, and comedy shows. There’s usually some Kuwaiti serial / quiz show / sitcom about pop culture and the happenings of today’s world that grabs everyone’s attention. But this year, it was all about Animation, people wanted to get on that faster than 2 for 1 Tuesdays at the Striporama. If you weren't, then you should've been watching the Bahraini animated comedy sitcom (Arab Road).. a neighborhood with characters from all over the Arab world, each from a different country filling out an obvious stereotype. A lot of subtle tongue in cheek humor poking fun at ourselves along with our trials and tribulations.

21st century Ramadan tents.. Maybe I haven’t been out too much, but they're so hi-tech now.. apart from the really nice new matching cushions and little foot rests the tent also boasts an air conditioner if you please. The colored lamps have been lit and are all hanging giving off that ramadany feel to it. Wireless internet is complimentary and the macchiatos are especially good.. the only thing they need to work on is justifying the cover charge. You will have to sort out a tent so book in advance cause the host is swaggering about looking only to seat the beautiful people. Minimum table order is a magnum of karkadai, you know how it is..

Freaky Eids.. A common occurrence in the Arab world because after 29 days of Ramadan, the moon watching panel (not sure who they are, but I’m willing to bet some old men with limited eyesight) come out on a roof to see if the moon’s making a cameo. I’m not knocking anything, but there have been cases of freaky eids where you think you’ve got one extra day of Ramadan and then all of a sudden someone spots the moon and you’re scrambling to get your last minute shopping in. do they use telescopes or is just them and their eyesight? Does anyone know? The other thing about moon watching panels around the Arab world, is that they sometimes have conflicting announcements. It is a little weird sometimes getting news about different countries announcing eid while others don’t,“Egypt still has Ramadan tomorrow, Kuwait have announced Eid, Saudi not yet, and we’re still waiting on Bhutan to get back to us..”

Well that’s what’s been on our minds this Ramadan.. What was on yours?

To everyone reading this, Happy Eid.. I’m off to spend a couple of days in a strange land, trying not to believe the hallucinations from the malaria pills..

go ask alice

‘Twas late on a Thursday night, which in a technicality would’ve made it a Friday morning.. Well past the birthdays fêtes, bon voyages, and your run of the mill weekend of merriment - I end up at a friends place.. The dwellings of said friend is in a compound of houses designed long long ago in a time far far forgotten.. The house has a lot of character and has been the source of interesting conversations, sounds, stories, and theories: the wooden ceiling in one room is warped like waves, remnants of previous tenants such as Asian characters etched on the doors, weird noises of what we think is a mongoose living in the pitched roof, and stories that we ourselves have lived out between these walls.. like I says, the house has lots of interesting character(s)..

Well past the witching hour, inside in a muddled trip of the warped wavy ceiling and the English mustard colored walls, I listen to the Sherpa pluck his guitar. Throwing licks together, his music makes the room a lot weirder than it already is… I compose myself an excuse and decide that retiring for the evening (or morning) might not be a regretful decision.. wafting past the cigarette smoke, empty bottles, and waves of conversation, I make my way out of the room, to the door, but not before a trip to the washroom for a quick pre-drive slash..

Exiting the house, the darkness swallows my world. Only a white light from the house gates illuminates the walk to my transportation.. Embarking on my 36 step trek past the confines of the house, I come across the most peculiar of characters to encounter on a pre-sunrise homeward bound slog..

In complete late late night silence, frozen, I stand face to face with the definitive example of literary inspired hallucinations, a white rabbit… As the spirit of Lewis Carroll laughed over my head, I start to formulate scenarios: number 1: Stop drinking Absinthe, even if it’s not the really real shit. Did someone poison one of my many tumblers? What sort of hallucination is this? Will the walrus make an appearance? Is this real? Someone put the kettle on? Will the rabbit lead me down a hole? A very happy un-birthday to you too edu. Will the red pill give me truth or should i take the blue one and remain ignorant. Is an attempt for contact with the rabbit in order? I need to investigate the verity of this image..

Just as I contemplated touching the white rabbit, the image of the killer beast from Monty Python and the Holy Grail populates my imagination.. As asinine as it sounds, the thought of a carnivorous white rabbit gnawing off my legs did put me off contact.. time ticking on by as it would for gunslingers at high noon, the notion of proof would be the ultimate savoir to my neuroticism..

Turning the flash on my camera-phone-life-dependent-apparatus, I adjust my stance to capture the rabbit.. in reply, he turns to face me and poses for the picture..



then, in an act that I deem out of character for a white rabbit (but not substantiated since I don’t know any white rabbits or their habits), he hops onto the path by my feet and gets even closer.. Is it trying to tell me something? should I follow him? Is this magic? Someone trapped in this body of a rabbit? Is this djin? He’s at the door to the house, should I let him in? Contemplating my queries, my head begins to ache, or that could have been the circumstances of my demeanor.. I decide to gather further evidence and take another picture..



The idea of ringing the doorbell was a plausible one; bring the guys outside and ask them if they see what I’m seeing.. Maybe I should let the rabbit into the house, cause the thought of it being the spirit of a previous tenant who died there was not too far out of my head..

and then in a moment of clarity, I looked at the time, assessed my state just before sunrise, reflected on my drive home, looked at the comrade in question, and decided that sleep sounds much better than running around the garden trying to follow a silly fucking rabbit...

i speak bahraini very best

Wherever you go, people change names of certain things to suit their culture or their influence or the time in particular ie: a dollar is called a buck because one dollar during the time of old frontier amounted to a buck hide, or something like that. Living in Bahrain, we’ve had our fair share of influences, 50 years ago if not longer, not many people spoke English, so imagine trying to sell an English product to a non-english speaker who’s never seen the product before in his life. You might tell us what you call it, but odds are, we’re going to give it our own name. We still call vacuum cleaners in Bahrain “Hoovers” because that was the first brand of vacuum cleaners sold here..

I’ve deviated.. On this wonderful island I call home, we’ve taken some English, some Indian, and some Persian words and we’ve tweaked them, or morphed them into our own little dialect.. This was all brought on when I was talking about kankarry being poured in the parking lot in our garage and my friend, (a Leb who’s lived most of his live in Bahrain) laughed at me and said we Bahrainis talk funny.. So I thought I’d list some of the words that come to me and explain them, so the next time you hear them you wont be lost and who knows, maybe you can use them in a conversation here and earn some street cred.. I know some of our neighbors and expatriates that live in or around Bahrain will get a kick out of this..

I’m spelling these out phonetically because I’m not even going to attempt to get them out right..

Bistoog – cookie.. Derived from the word biscuit, but modified for our local tongue.. Using this word can refer to any type of cookie, but it’s usually reserved for those delicious Danish Butter Cookies.. waitaminute, did I just say Danish? Boycott that..

Bi-Feater – plumber.. The trade of a pipe fitter. We don’t have the letter ‘p’ in our alphabet, so everything with ‘p’ naturally becomes a ‘b’.. kinda like “bebsi”..

Kan’karry – Concrete.. Don’t ask me how this got twisted, but it sounds cooler than concrete..

Smeet - Cement

Ambaloos – ambulance

Aranj joosh – orange juice

Draiwill – Driver

Ali Willem – Potato - back in the day, the most famous brand of potatoes on the island were imported through a Bahraini English joint venture called “Ali & William”. People here dropped the ampersand and stuck with calling potatoes Ali Willem. We’re not going to waste our breath pronouncing the “&” we’ve got better things to do..

Isbaitar – Hospital (it’s a muharraq thing)

Payk – a drink.. comes from the peg measure for dispensing alcohol, the peg measure must be of glass or brass that is well-tinned or silver-plated. Standard pegs are of 60 ml. (1 peg) and 30 ml. (1/2 peg).. as in “go fix yourself up a payk”

Shughgul Shaddan – Double Time – when they’d give the generators at the oil factory (BAPCO) a rest, the refinery still had to work but on manual labor, so the employees would have to work extra hard. It was called “Shutdown work”, but thanks to the bahranization of the word, it morphed to shaddan..

Ban’nid – close, turn off – I think this came from the word Banned

Balek – (also pronounced palek) plug, as in the little plug on a wire that’s connected to your tv or dvd player or microwave, you get what I mean.

‘Celater – Accelerator – put the pedal to the metal..

Belanty – Penalty.. I love this one, because it’s widely used in the arab world (well the Arabian peninsula world).. I love hearing this working in a bank “if you do not bay the fee now, then you will have a belanty on your account”

Ray’wis – reverse

Wan’ate – (also used in Kuwait) pickup truck.. cause the pickup trucks are usually 1.8 liter engines and because the 1.8 would be plastered on the back of the truck, people just referred to it as a wan’ate.

So that’s what I have, a bunch of words that sound funny when you read them but are a part of our everyday language here that we use without thinking twice about them… we are like this, only. If you know any more words, let us know. It’s like people in Rhode Island calling a water fountain a bubbler.. What’s up with that anyways?

Ramadan Ramblings

So I just want to get out and say something about Ramadan.. “I’m done, I’ve had enough, the show’s over, someone call the cleaners.. I need an 11 month vacation from Ramadan before I can tackle it again”. Before you lambaste me with hate mail, let me get on the record and say, I love Ramadan, I enjoy the spirituality of this holy month, but there are other things that do get under my skin..

I miss breakfast – I really do, I wish I could have some coffee, have an omelet, hell, I’ll even settle for toast on butter with jam.. juice in the morning.. chocolate milk.. chbood sandwiches with crystal hot sauce.. I miss my breakfast. For the past 4 weeks or so, I’ve deprived my body of the essential nutrients and caffeinated products that make my day a little more stimulated.. 30 days of not eating something will make you forget how good it tastes.. I miss you chocolate milk, you’re my only real friend..

I’m tired of walking into a the supermarket before it’s time to break my fast needing only to pick up some cheese, pasta and heavy cream – and then walk out with a 5 pound bag of peanut M&Ms, three different types of pasta, chips, chocolate bars, a number of bottles of the overpriced starbucks coffee milk in a two sip glass bottle, some more chips, cookies, crackers, 3 pounds of ground beef, and a block of cheese.. Never walk into a supermarket when you’re hungry, cause you’ll end up buying more than you need..

Not that this is any different when it’s not Ramadan, but frantic driving is also a pain in the arse.. Right before futoor, everyone’s so hungry and they’re all heading to their parents/aunt/grandparents/insert appropriate family member’s name here to break their fast. Just fathom this recipe: hungry population, on arab time (which I don’t have to tell you is eternally 27 minutes late), with a tendency to drive recklessly and speed incessantly = madness on the roads.. you can’t help it yourself, it’s a kill or be killed type of environment…

Food food and more food.. I can’t believe how much Ramadan comfort food you get to eat during this month - enough to put you off basmati for a while.. Meat, Chicken, Rice, curry, Thareed, Mathroobah, samboosas and fried tidbits, qatayif, legaymat, etc... you break your fast with some dates and maybe drink some laban (light and nutritious), then you move onto the rice and meat, and then there’s the thareed (basically curry poured onto bread making it really soggy, meaty bread pudding), then there’s the tray of your favorite fried friends, there’s always a couple of more random dishes that someone was craving and had to be made.. After all of that stuffing, you then sit down, guzzle two cups of tea, some coffee, then there’s fried pastries and cream filled pastries, chopped nuts, fruits, and the list goes on - enough sugar to give an elephant a rush. Once you’re done with this huge meal (that you have for 30 days) then you start your evening and plan out what you need to do..

The tempers.. We all know how Ramadan is about patience, but sometimes it’s very difficult to control your hunger pangs.. these same hunger pangs transform themselves into headaches, which then magically become spewed mistimed snide remarks that have a way of building up into a full blown argument with name calling and lines drawn – all over why there is no vimto in the house.. Delightful..

The nighttime scheduling.. everything goes on at night, nothing happens during the day.. you go to a Ramadan Ghabgah (party) and no one starts showing up before 10-10:30… no one eats till about 11:30 (if you’ve got a nice host) and most of the time, it’s the same comfort food that was mentioned two paragraphs ago.. I miss daylight.. Birdman wouldn’t last one minute fasting Ramadan without the power of the Sun..

I can’t believe how much food I managed to bring into this post....

Happy Eid people.. you won’t have to endure this whining for another 11 lunar months..

I needed to believe in something

Inspired by Bike shed’s post here - imagination - a deep love for this place - and the Chemical Brothers tune: Believe.

It was a Friday… the weather was unbelievably wonderful and I got conned into running “some” errands with a friend… Loaded the cd changer with some new music and off we went… I don’t need to tell you, Bahrain, on a Friday afternoon, with magnificent weather is just a wonderful place to be…

Driving along the new flyover in front of the Seef Mall I couldn’t help but notice the progress taking shape… We have begun our transformation from a small island nation to a bustling metropolis. My mind drifted away to what life could be like in the next 10 to 20 years… Y’see a lot of people are upset with the skyline, atrocious buildings going up, road works, a big ‘what’s going to happen to us?’, blah blah blah.. Let me tell you what I saw…

A real metropolitan area, with different districts, improved infrastructure, a developed sense of modern civilization – a place to call home in the 21st century… Driving past the Seef district heading towards Manama, I saw the shopping malls and the gold domes of the Seef Mall on the left. I could see the buildings on the Seaside with their high rises and offices… The HSBC building to join the Al Moayyed tower in the Seef district’s rising skyline. The thought of having a number of high rises has me cheering – it’s time we joined the international community in terms of growth and development. The new City Center shopping mall coming up on the left, yes we will have 5 shopping malls in the same area, too much you say? Why not I think… With residential buildings, commercial offices, shops, etc all opening up, the Seef stands to become the developed commerce center on the island. On the right hand side, there’s the Bahrain Mall, the Dana Mall, the new Chamber of Commerce, and even more buildings coming up with more residential apartments. People will eventually have to start considering living in apartments due to the diminishing space and increasing population. Shaikh Khalifa Bin Salman Highway will be one of the most important strips in Bahrain, roaring development - commerce and a new look to our future.

The Diplomatic Area: In the distance, the Diplomatic Area and our bustling financial center making up another expanding skyline… The two main buildings of the Bahrain Financial Harbor right on the water’s edge welcoming visitors by sea (build it and they will come). The NBB Building, towering over the old souk, representing the spine of the Bahraini commercial banks with the nation’s flag on top, a beacon for everyone to see. The new World Trade Center announcing our membership to the developed world – Two sails reaching for the sky tasting the Arabian sun. The area will forever be busy with its offices, insurance companies, offshore banks, investment companies, law firms, ministries, and embassies. The Diplomatic Area is a our version of the financial district – I look forward to biking around on a Friday when the streets are practically empty – as should you…

Muharraq: Busaiteen is such prime location, great view of the sea extending out to the Seef district… With Muharraq – I see it changing anyway it chooses… I love that island – it develops traditions in its own way & who am I to mess with it…

Juffair: Once all the buildings are up, the construction has been tamed and the streets and sidewalks are paved - making kicked up sand and dust a thing of the past - I can definitely see a wharf built on the water’s edge, with shops and a marina there for people to use… Think about the image for a second, you’ve got all these high rise buildings overlooking the water, there’s a boardwalk with a nice wharf, and some restaurants and a little marina there – make it easy and cheap for people who go fishing to dock their boats – Docks are beautiful with their own type of charm and by inviting the local fisherman to be a part of this new type of development we continue to retain our traditions, we’re just using modern amenities to facilitate their livelihood/passion. Give the residents of Juffair and Manama a place to take a stroll in the evenings and inviting other people to enjoy the beauty of waterfront dining/ shopping/ café/whatever your heart pleases…

Adliya District: A multi-level centralized parking lot with special rates to residents in the neighborhood; metered street parking and special parking zones for residents – strictly enforced by the traffic police, with CCTV to deter any crime. Property developed from behind the zoes/lilou area extending all the way upstairs downstairs region filled with various cafes and restaurants. Following the Riwaq example, more art galleries open up: showcasing the works of local talent. A bookshop or two. Local and International designers opening up boutiques… retaining the small buildings architecture and working with it allowing Adliya to preserve its neighborhood promenade feel. I can just see it all, streets with huge canopies tied to streetlights, providing shade for the casual strollers. Take it one step further… having water misters run under these canopies providing our casual strollers with some pleasant mist to keep cool during warmer days. Heading over to Adliya to pick up your newspaper, have a coffee and meet up with friends never felt so cool… You get a little peckish; there are a bunch of world-class restaurants there to satisfy your hunger.

Qufool: I love this neighborhood, filled with small buildings and close-knit neighborhood quaintness… Imagine the area renovated and rented out.. I can see it being the starter family neighborhood… newlyweds looking to stay close to the city, yet branching out in kitschy one or two bedroom apartments.. Interesting buildings cool roof deck gatherings… You develop a neighborhood feel to the place with your local grocer, butcher, frommagerie - ok maybe I’m going a little too far, but this can all happen, no reason why it can’t…

The Bahrain International Circuit and the development South: Racing is in our blood, whether it be Horses, Boats, Bikes or Cars… The circuit is a step in the right direction for us, bringing attention to our motor sport fever, and letting us vent out our passion in a controlled and professional environment. People have different views on the financial benefit of the F1, give this time, people will catch a serious F1 fever on this island & with a bridge linking us to Saudi & Qatar (in the not too distant future) – we will be the middle east’s link to racing. Once a year, the entire world turns to us for a weekend because of a race – you don’t you think that’s amazing? This is our chance to show the world that Bahrain stands in a class of its own. The new trend in property development - the area looks to get a lot busier… Our beaches get developed – Al Jazayer beach gets a new facelift (I’m not talking about fake sand and a modified landscape) – I’m talking about having a strong push to clean our shores, imposing serious fines for people who litter (I MEAN SERIOUS: BD 100 per offence – force people to accept not littering to pay a fine); I’m talking about bringing Marine Biologists and environmental experts to help us rebuild our marine life… bring back the corals… I want to be able to take my kids snorkeling and let them see what fish live in our waters- don’t you?

A real two level ring road around the island, with exits coming on and off – making your full circle trip around the island much faster. A bridge connecting Bahrain to Qatar, adding to our causeway with Saudi Arabia – an Island nation connected to the two major industrial powerhouses in the area. Many other countries boast to be the pearl of the gulf or the pride of the gulf; but what they cannot boast is prime geographic location… Bahrain will be connecting the Gulf States together… Saudi Arabia will become the prime producer of petrochemicals in the coming 10 years, Qatar will become the one of the main natural gas suppliers and will all these liquefied natural gas projects and the petrochemicals (mega projects) – I can’t see Bahrain not participating in this development and remain eco-friendly. Think about it, these huge trucks transporting all sorts of goods all across the GCC, using Bahrain as a central hub, riding along our efficient ring road making transportation more feasible and easy. It’s not that I can only see our development through the help of our neighbors and their resources – think about the tourism, think about how easy it will be for an inter GCC road trip. Bahrain will become the linkup to the GCC… A trans-GCC railway… Invite small to medium enterprises to come, setup shop and use Bahrain as a hub to export to the region – now tell me don’t you think that’s a good idea?

Bringing our heads down from the clouds… This is the beauty of Bahrain, a future is always there and always promising – we have existed for centuries – we have always been an integral part of history due to our location and we will continue to be a fundamental cog in the Middle East… Realistically, we do not have the manpower or the resources of our neighbors – but we have faith aided with a progressive and thinking population… We cannot let ignorance cloud our thoughts.. Dammit – The Mesopotamians – the First recorded civilization in history used to come and vacation here! We have seen empires rise and empires fall – we will continue to stand… This is my Bahrain and I believe…

cinema pingpong (the scousers get it)

I love movies… There’s nothing I enjoy more than being able to tune out for a couple of hours and just follow the story of alien invaders, a female boxer, a tasteless comedy, a gut wrenching drama – whatever you want… Having become a seasoned cinemagoer and an ex-gold card carrying member of Hollywood video (that gold rental card does wonders with the ladies), I’ve figured out what pisses me off when watching a movie and what I can avoid to ensure a decent movie experience. I have a pattern of things I do at the movies, I try to get there slightly early to ensure a good seat, fully loaded with snacks and supplies, a pre-flick slash, I’ll even bring a sweater to the movie with me to combat the air conditioners…

Modus operandi at the cinema involves disbanding into smaller tactically driven units. One team will wait in line to pick up the tickets and pick seats not too far from the screen – the other team will line up to get snacks – there are stand ins waiting in the wings to step in if nature calls while you’re waiting in line.

I just thought I’d share some movie tips and annoyances that you might also harbor – I know I’m not alone on this one…

Obnoxious assholes at the movie theater – these people suck… These are the budding comedians that feel the need to adlib and try out their material in the middle of your movie experience. Hombre, no one is interested in your comments, keep your incredible sense of humor to yourself and save it for the stage. A friend once came over to my place after the cinema but couldn’t tell me how the movie was because some obnoxious person would not Keep quiet in the theater, and the police had to be brought in to remove this punk… You’d have to be on some serious hallucinogenics to be oblivious to everyone in the movie theater telling you to shut the hell up… the thing I don’t understand is that if you’re going to take a hallucinogenic and be oblivious to the outside world – why on earth would you go to the movie theater? If you’re planning on getting drunk and being loud, then the movie theater has to be the dumbest place to go… Some people like to go against the grain and do “their” thing – well allow me to tell you that your thing sucks fucknut..

I just watched the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy this weekend – and thanks to a cackle of the most inappropriately dressed for the cinema (more on that later) bitches (yes bitches, there’s no other way of referring to them – well maybe the one that kept on apologizing for her friends – she can be free from the bitch title) – I couldn’t enjoy the movie.. The head bitch, with her short dress and matching ethnic trinkets barely covering up her hippo thighs - starts talking because she just can’t seem to grasp the plot that Douglas Adams has been revered for… This, (again I’m sorry for the language but everyone in that cinema will be able to back me up on this one) BITCH, sat there talked on her phone, decided to play around with the flashlight on her cell phone taking a look at the movie goers, and started talking about how she lent this guy money and he wasn’t going to pay her back (maybe cause you’re the spokesperson for STDs you fucking inconsiderate douche bag). Walking around with her pretentious supermodel (I just came in from Milan where I was officially made the “&” in Dolce & Gabbana) – yet she has the class, the looks, and attitude of a fat phone sex operator working the graveyard shift servicing drunk bastards with nothing at the end of the night but their dick in their hand… Somebody went and called the usher in cause they couldn’t believe that it was a woman who was being so obnoxious (living in Bahrain, it’s usually a man who’s the obnoxious prick at a movie) – the cackle was asked to grab a hold of themselves but nothing came out of it. I’m praying for warts in your not too distant future. ok –that’s out of my system.. lady, you were a fucking bitch… ok, now it’s really gone…

Nonchalant moviegoers – I avoid these people like the plague… This is the person that when you tell them, “be there at 4:30- the movie starts then, they’ll show up at around 4:45, and you’re stuck waiting for them because you’ve got their ticket… or lets say you’re running late to the movies and there’s that nonchalant moviegoer who has to go and get popcorn and snacks.. These are the people that will tell you “don’t worry there’s at least 10 minutes of upcoming releases” – and then when you walk into the movie, you realize you’ve just missed the quintessential point to the film that would have answered so many questions you will have in the next 45 minutes to an hour…

Censoring – I understand Bahrain is a Muslim nation and that there might be children watching the film… nudity is forbidden, and I can respect that. But why are you going to rate the film if you’re just going to snip it up? Why must my intelligence and maturity be compromised because the censorship authority must dictate what I can and can’t watch at the movie theater? Many teens, growing up in high schools can probably teach the leading actors about to have a moment a thing or two. We can’t hide this stuff anymore from the kids; you might as well start talking to them about it before it’s too late… It’s not the pervert inside me that is complaining about the kissing (he is satisfied with copious amounts of pornography on the internet at the tip of his fingers) – it’s the moviegoer… I can’t tell you how many times the credits would roll around, and they’re the type of credits where they show you the actor or actress and have his/her name under. There would be a couple of shots of actors from the movie that I had no idea who they were… I’m talking about entire scenes cut – for what reason? I don’t know… If you consider us adults, then treat us like adults… just because you feel that religion doesn’t promote this, and the scene interferes with your view of religion then don’t go to the movie theater and don’t let your children go – the rest of us enjoy watching films and we want to see how the story unfurls…

Talkies - These people drive me mad… They love to talk during the movie… I can understand if you missed a line, or something hasn’t registered and you need to ask a clarification question – that’s cool… but if you’re expecting me to explain the plot twists or character development or a question that will require an answer of more than 5 words – that’s un-cool man, really un-cool… You can’t expect me to sit there and be your personal movie buff; watch it in silence and then ask your questions when the movie’s over, who knows, maybe you’ll figure it out for yourself. I can’t stand people that actually don’t have a problem with talking during the movie… I mean, what could have possibly happened from the time you were outside and could talk to your friend freely, to now, when you’re inside the movie theater? The cell phone is another enemy of mine at the cinema.. I mean honestly, you saw the sign – turn off the cell phone or keep it on mute… I understand the might be an emergency, but that’s what the vibrating alert is for right? Do you really think me and everyone else at the theater bought tickets so we can listen to your unbelievably uneventful life? Talking on the phone, is one of the most annoying things you might have to endure at a movie theater here... cut it out… If your friend calls, then don’t answer, leave your phone in the car, isn’t that a little liberating? For those 2 measly hours, no one can contact you?

Cinema Attire - One of the best thing about living in the US was being able to catch all the new releases when they came out.. Saturday afternoons were reserved for the cinema… What I always found strange is the way people dressed for the cinema… Casual, relaxed, people on dates dressed up smartly.. Then, I hate to admit it, you had the Arabs.. I’m not saying all Arabs, because there were many whom remained in their university sweatpants, jeans, sneakers, flipflops, and baseball cap… But there were some and I mean some of the women that would get decked out: pull out the latest thousand dollar handbag made by a Chinese French designer that doesn’t have a name (it’s pronounced more like a sound effect)… throw on their flashy designer jeans (the jeans that go out of their way to remind that they’re designer).. Makeup that would make you think MAC was having a “going out of business sale”.. Do you know how incredibly stupid that looked? A movie theater? Where it was going to be dark? Granted sometimes these women had gone out to dinner beforehand and had a need to get dressed up… The other women that really had no reason – dressed up because they wanted to be seen looking really “hot and trendy“ in the darkness of a movie theater – has that sunk in yet? The darkness of a movie theater. Anyways, you can dress anyway you feel like it, and if you could afford to drop that much cash on a new weekly wardrobe, then all the power to you… I just thought it was kinda odd that you’d get dolled up for the movies…

This whole thing started because of that cackle of disgusting, inconsiderate, ill-mannered and probably ho-ing group of women that should have read the synopsis on the Hitchhiker’s guide to the Galaxy before they decided to ruin the movie for everyone in the cinema… I still can’t tell if I liked the movie or not – I think I’m going to have to watch it again…

iamwhoiam...ohhwhoami?

My first memory of peer pressure racism started when I was probably in the 5th grade… Running around in school having fun being a total kid, when all of a sudden a couple of friends stopped me and asked “hey, are you Shia or Sunni?” “umm well I don’t know” “what do you mean you don’t know?” then the another kid goes “I bet you he’s Shia” in my head I start thinking, crap.. What are they talking about? should I pick one? I mean I don’t know what I am. Then one of the kids decides to do his own detective work… “how do you pray? With your hands down to your side or on your stomach?” Shit shit and triple shit… what am I going to do now? I don’t pray, what will happen if I tell them I don’t really pray? should I take a guess? (On a side note: before you label me, I was taught how to pray and my mother is a devout Muslim, it’s just that it’s MY RELATIONSHIP with God, not anyone else’s.. you dig?) Rrrrrrrriiingg… aaahh saved by the bell… It’s amazing, but that was one of the first brushes I had trying to figure out who I am, Shia or Sunni… I went home after school still puzzled, so I decided to ask my parents… My mom gave me the typical answer, “if anyone asks you, you tell them you’re Muslim… There’s no difference..” and that was that, the answer sufficed me, there’s no difference…

I went back to school and waited for the next religious question encounter. When that came, my reply was “I am Muslim and there’s no difference” “pffffft, yeah right there’s no difference, I bet you he’s Shia, come on lets go play football…” and they ran off as if I had just been diagnosed with a rare contagious disease transmitted through the mucus of an infected monkey that made it’s way to Bahrain… I thought, fine, let me go ask my friends… Some of them didn’t know either, while others admitted they were Shia or Sunni (they were just happy to know what they were) but we all had the same feelings, what is this divide that even us kids have to start thinking about? Deep down inside we all felt that people have to be pretty fickle to want to make a divide…

It didn’t take long before I found out who the Shia and the Sunnis were, and who I was… I’ll spare you the details of their history, but I will tell you one thing… It’s all because of a couple of instances involving a continued power struggle that this divide happened and that’s it in a nutshell… People have spent their lives researching and gathering information, but to me, Muslim is Muslim, and even more importantly than that, a human being is a human being, just like you, me and everyone else on this rock called Earth.

I’m not going to tell you racism doesn’t exist in Bahrain, there’s racism on every single front: Shia & Sunni, and then they even go deeper into it in terms of the different ethnicities between the two sides… With the Shia: the Bahranis (original inhabitants of Bahrain), the Ajam (of Persian descent), the Subcontinent Shia, the Hassawiyah (Shia from Saudi.. ooops sorry Saudi doesn’t have any Shia), etc. Then you have the Sunnis: The Arab Sunnis, Holees (Sunnis of Persian descent), Subcontinent Sunnis, and from all over the world. We’ve got so many different people from all sorts of walks of life, and we do have racism (it happens all over the world), although we are working at limiting it… Feel free to interject an ethnicity that I’ve forgotten to add…

It’s such a taboo subject to be discussing… There’s unnecessary hatred that has led to some crazy things being said… I had a fellow student in college once tell me that there are Shia families that get together, turn off all the lights in the room and would have a full on scale orgy… I don’t know what drove me to trying to choke him, the fact that he was insulting “my sect” or the fact that he was stupid enough to believe something as absurd as incestuous orgies… Dada, you’re still an idiot for saying that, but I forgive you… I’m writing it off as just some insane brainwashing you were spoon fed from some uneducated fuck of a cleric that was probably molested or wishes he was molested by a member of his family.

This divide,, this racism exists because of one thing and only one thing, and that’s uneducated people who still think there’s a reason to make a difference… It’s people like this that think they’re better than the other person, and it’s people like this that will slow our progress… You shouldn’t sit there and pass any judgment on anyone but yourself…

I miss that cola guzzling Camel…

I grew up in the 80s… before Nintendo, arcades, and malls; before everything, we had our public gardens… I remember them being green and I remember them being a load of fun… running around, there were playgrounds, there were mini-rides, and there were animals… The most memorable animal from my childhood was a camel from the Salmaniya Garden…

As the afternoon weather got more pleasant, you’d make your way to the Garden and spend a couple of hours playing, running around until the Camel would arrive… As soon as you’d see the Camel plodding along with its trainer, you’d run off to buy a glass bottle of Soda Pop (Pepsi, Miranda, 7Up, whatever was available)… I know you’re going to think I’m insane for doing this, but I’d run up to the camel, and he’d bend his head down as if saying something and with his puckered lips take the bottle of soda. The Camel would then raise his head up, chug that bottle of soda, and finish off the performance by spitting that bottle as far as his camel lips could spit… this was such a cool thing to see, I mean the glass bottle projectile would fly out of this mouth and if you were in the way, you really needed to dodge, and fast… I wasn’t the only kid who thought a cola guzzling camel was a cool thing, kids lined up and bought bottle after bottle…

It didn’t take long before the camel keeled over and died… I’m sure all those fizzy drinks had something to do with it all… looking back, I remember Miranda (orange soda) had a marketing campaign with a puppet camel that drank the sodas and gave a thumbs up for Miranda… So maybe subconsciously we (kids) thought it was ok to feed the camel drinks… who knows… does anyone ever remember the poor camel’s name?


I miss that camel...

stressing out on the drive to work...

You knew this was going to happen… I may have touched on a couple of sensitive points when I ranted about driving in Bahrain… The truth is, there’s so many more things to complain about regarding driving in Bahrain…

First let me bring your attention to the worst parents on the face of this planet… Let me explain the heart attack I almost had and then you can pass judgment (but bear in mind if you have an opinion other than mine, then you need to piss off and die)… Driving down Government Avenue heading towards the diplomatic area, I get towards a rotary and the coast looked clear… All of a sudden a car comes flying out of nowhere with a family stuffed to the brim (mind you none of them are wearing seatbelts): dad driving, kids in the back, and mom’s in the front seat playing a game by throwing her infant in the air and catching him the whole time the GODDAMN WINDOW’S OPEN!!! I mean all it took was a slip of the hand and there goes the kid out the window onto the road and there’s his head crushed by the big truck… It took me a couple of seconds to recover from the shock of having to slam on my brakes and the sight of a mother playing catch with her baby in the front seat of a car with the window open… I had to drive over and do my nonsensical yelling at them about safety, and they just shrugged me off as another escapee from the psychiatric hospital…

Parents not properly securing their children in their cars is a huge issue here in Bahrain… I’m hating the fact that I’m becoming so desensitized to it (you have to, there’s no other choice because no one will listen to you), that I just shrug it off and hope they don’t get killed in an accident… you see them, all over the roads, kids standing in the front passenger seat, no seatbelts, kids jumping around the car, parents driving with their kids in their laps… It’s just ridiculous… I mean do you not care about the safety of your child? Driving in Bahrain is horrible with traffic, speeding, and accidents, why are you taking that additional risk with your child’s safety? Maybe I’m just too much of a paranoid person, but I don’t think your child’s safety is something you should be playing around with… Some parents will claim that the kid won’t sit still and always moves around, well that’s probably because you never taught them that the car was a vehicle not a play pen, and maybe you should wean them off the sugar water and candy while you’re at it…

This has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen in Bahrain: you have these asshole parents with their stupid “Baby on Board” signs to warn other drivers. But once you drive up close, you’ll find the baby on board bouncing all over the place… What’s the point of that? Why would even have a sign for a baby on board and not give a damn about securing them in a safe place? Typical… I feel like I need to sit there and cheer on parents that have properly secured their children in the car because they’re few and far between…

My god, some people and the way they drive here… whenever you get behind the wheel here, you just have to immediately assume that everyone’s a bad driver, including yourself.
Ok the espresso’s kickin’ in, I’m feeling a lot better, it’s just one of those days where you encounter all this stupidity on the road that you need to smoke a cigarette and drink some strong coffee to get over the jitters of careless parents…

I'd love to know how do you feel about all this...

virtual tikka tour

Flashback: sometime in the early 80s… location: outside 5 star tikka joint in Manama… setting: dad’s car… players: my dad, brother, sister and myself… memory: Tikka experience 101…

I have no idea where to start with this one… I mean Bahraini Tikka, wow, it’s a phenomenon that you can’t really explain in a post… you have to actually sit there and immerse yourself in a tradition that’s been experienced by generations to get the right feel of it… First off, Tikka is bite sized marinated pieces of meat and fat on a long skewer that is grilled to perfection (but there’s so much more). Kabab (not to be mistaken with Kebab) is grilled minced meat with spices also grilled on a flat skewer… so if you will follow me, I’m going to attempt to take you’re taste buds on a Virtual Tikka tour.

There are many Tikka joints scattered around the island, some are really basic, while others go the extra mile… Every major town has a couple of tikka joints of notable mention. BIG UPS to: TIKKA ABUL, TIKKA AMIN, ASIR, TIKAA AJEEB, and MANDALY… Entering one of these fine establishments you immediately realize that there’s no maitre d, no napkins, and consider yourself lucky if you find bottled water… But I’ll tell you what you do find: a long rectangular grill with a width no greater than 13 inches, filled with red hot coals ready for that grilling experience of a lifetime, wholesome barbequed comfort food, and a messy meal with a tradition to it…

Skewers normally cost 100 fils (28 cents US), and you’d usually order your quantities in half dinar (500 fils) or dinar amounts… So there you are in a no frills Tikka joint… Yer Hungry, so you place a half a dinar order of tikka, a half a dinar order of kabab, take your can of preferred carbonated beverage and wait for your meat… for the sake of my childhood memories we’re going enjoy this virtual tikka experience the way my dad made his kids enjoy it, in the car… His reasoning behind this was that the place was too dirty to eat in, but you didn’t want to drive all the way home in the car and risk having your meat get cold and the fat solidify (solidified marinated fat isn’t appetizing, take my word for it). I digress… Allow me to explain the cooking method involved in grilling your tikka. The griller arranges the skewers on the grill and lets the hot coals serve their purpose (sometimes there’s a little electric fan directed to the grill to keep the fire going). The skewers are arranged with a couple of pieces of meat followed by a piece of fat, this is very important cause you need a little bit of fat to melt and drizzle onto the meat. The sizzling doesn’t stop until the griller decides it’s time and he flips all the skewers to get the other side nicely charred. Once the meat’s cooked, a huge piece of Iranian bread (think thin pita bread with the diameter of a medium/large pizza) is folded in half and by properly holding the fold, the meat easily slides off the skewer (I know, it’s hard to explain, you just have to see to understand it).

All of a sudden, there’s a knock at your window and there’s “Qamar-el-din” the man of the moment with a plastic bag filled with a bunch of aluminum foil wrapped bundles (if he’s nice, he might have some extra plates for you to enjoy your meal on)… You take out one of the aluminum bundles and unwrap it to find a whole lot of Iranian bread rolled up in a mini parcel, once you unravel the bread, you’re nostrils are immediately greeted with the smell of succulent grilled meat… mmmm… There’s a paper bag filled with your required veggies: Bagul, onion slices, green chilies, and lemon wedges… Bagul looks like thick blades of grass, but tastes pretty good (it’s all part of the experience, bear with me)…. Take the lemon wedge and squeeze the juice all over your meat, then tear of a piece of bread, arrange some bagul and onion and then add some of the meat and all of a sudden you’ve got your first bite… The combination in your mouth takes your taste buds on a heavenly roller coaster and you start wondering how can you eat this everyday for the rest of your life… The meat is hot and juicy with the lemon juice enhancing it’s flavor, while the bagul and onion provide you with that raw veggie “good for you” filler taste. The whole thing is wrapped up in bread making it easier to eat since everything is arranged in a mini roll… Some people hate the fat and some people love the fat, I don’t mind it as long as long as part of it is burnt and has that marinated lemony crispy yet soft center taste to it… Over the years, various tikka joints have improved their variety offering different types of marinades: yogurt, lemon, chili, and tomatoes (they’re all good depending on your taste and they still retain the original flavor of the meat). Kabab meat is served and eaten just the same as the tikka except the meat is minced and a lot softer. The spices used in the meat mix are complemented with the grilling style delivering a wonderfully flavored meat. I personally cannot make up my mind, which tastes better, so I usually end up ordering both, as should you…

Personally, the best part of the meal is the oily bread… Think of the tikka parcel like the earth, and the meat is the core. It’s then wrapped in layer after layer of bread (Gurss – the actual “loaf” - if you want the Bahraini lingo). The inside layer is soaking up all the juices and oils from the meat flavoring the bread and making it so moist… mmm heavenly… I know what you’re thinking… I need me some tikka right now… I couldn’t agree with you more…

WARNING: Sometimes eating tikka leaves a film of fat that covers the roof of your mouth… It doesn’t taste like fat, but it does taste like there’s an artificial film coating the roof of your mouth and can be a small price to pay for the taste. I’ve found a good way to combat this unwanted after effect: whiskey, but vodka works just as well… I’m not a scientist, but I’ll tell you the higher the proof the easier it is to breakdown the film in your mouth…

Tikka is a Bahraini tradition that’s slowly losing it’s fight to corporate fast food… Keep your memories and enjoy tikka, it’s much cheaper than buying a burger meal, and you’ve just helped local businesses survive a little longer… Bad tikka joints do exist, I just experienced it this weekend, but that shouldn’t deter you, there are many great eateries just waiting for your appetite and money…

the art of the bahraini pull

This is something that I’ve always found totally intriguing… In the Middle East, meeting a member of the opposite sex and starting a relationship requires quick thinking, a lot of talk time, and secret agent skills that match James Bond…

Let’s say you’re strolling along in a undisclosed shopping mall, you decide you need that double espresso and you need it right now.. At the corporate world domination coffee shop, you spot this delicious bellabambina in front of you in the line… your eyes meet and she smiles… OK NOW STOP… if you were anywhere else in the world, then you might decide to start up a conversation on how you love Kenyan double dark roasts because they really release the true flavor of the beans or some bullshit like that.. but you’re in the middle east and that line isn’t going to cut it.. Instead, you must turn on your cell phone, activate the blue tooth transmission on your phone and hope that you can find her and send her a text message… she will also have her blue tooth turned on the prowl for interesting names… once you get her name you can start texting which will eventually lead to calling and then hopefully on to bigger and better things… The only problem is that everyone and their mother has their blue tooth on, scooping the cellular chick frequencies, so panache and guile is a must.

Before the advent of cell phones and blue tooth, people used to write their number on a little piece of paper and give it to the girl or the guy… Some poor sods actually went out of their way and had their numbers printed on special paper with a little catchphrase like: I want to whisper soft poetry into your ear… I’ve actually seen the number paper transfer executed with such class and precision that you’d think they’re trading government secrets… It’s just unbelievable… I’ve never even bothered to try because I don’t know what to do… Do you hand over the number? Toss it over (if you do toss it, underhand or overhand)? Oh and if you don’t know, people are number hungry here, the sequence or the simplicity of a number really gets the girl going, because then she thinks “hmm this guy’s got a good number, I bet he drives a nice car”. So to answer your question, if you’re going to pull in this manner, then you’re going for a materialistic WAP (wannabe princess) and long walks on the beach holding hands is out of the question…

I once heard that guys in Saudi pick women based on their shoes… Since the women there are usually covered from head to toe, then you might want to consider the Manolo Blahnik pumps over the size 50 European medical arch supporting flats.. can you believe that? Shoes, what a phenomenon, that’s how you weed the women out there… If anyone actually reads this, can you verify? I’m interested to know… what do you do if you pick the girl out, then plan to meet with her again and you tell her to wear the same shoes; but then get screwed because she was wearing a popular sneaker that everyone’s wearing these days?

Once you’ve found your blue tooth honey, you guys have to start talking on the phone… Now this is the part that can be quite tiresome… You guys exchange phone calls, spend hour after hour of precious network talk time, doing absolutely nothing… I’ve sat in on and observed one of these talks and had to leave 20 minutes cause it was going nowhere… allow me to demonstrate: phone rings… (hello?) 5 minutes of silence (shlonek- how are you) another 5 minutes of silence (I’m good, I’m thinking about you) yet another 5 minutes of silence (really? I’m thinking about you too) you guessed it, another 5 minutes of silence, and that’s when I walked out of the room. Hopefully the phone calls will end up somewhere and you might actually get a chance to have a private moment with your newfound love…

Another way you can pull is by having a cell phone… Desperate people in Bahrain, spend lots of time with their phones randomly calling people, or they might actually find some stranger’s number and then out of the blue give them a call.. Those phone conversations can be very interesting to sit in on cause both people are playing both offense and defense (when you’re trying to start a relationship with a stranger over the phone, you have to be)… Don’t want to get into the details, but if you’re a pro then you’ll bag whomever your talking to; otherwise you’ll just get chewed up and spit out…

I think what I’m trying to get at, is that this is how business is conducted in terms of relationships… I’m oblivious to this and really don’t even know where to start, nor do I have a desire to even try… People here are so hung up on the bling, that they’ll forgo on the relationship building and the getting to know you bit (if you haven’t kept up on urban phraseology of the past 4 years, bling is defined as the shine that hits your eye when someone is wearing diamonds, so when you say “check out my bling” that means check out the really expensive stuff I’ve got). Talking to a member of the opposite sex, shouldn’t be such a secret or require such crazy methods.. Meeting someone should be fun, not complicated, what if you don’t have blue tooth? Or you don’t have the bling? You shouldn’t be shit out of luck.. People need to drop these false pretenses and just go with the flow. The problem is that many people like to go with the flow, but they’ve been burned so many times, that they’ve got these 15-foot high walls with barbed wire and guard dogs. Guys, we need to stop being assholes, a little respect and courtesy will go a long way, & stop spreading the false rumors. Ladies, give the lads a chance, we’re not all assholes… oh and everybody… can we tone down the materialistic bullshit just a bit? It’s ok to be a fashionista, but don’t hold it against someone if they’re not…

Note to my bellabambina: Baby, I would never even attempt to do something as stupid and silly as this, I know better. You’d catch me, then fricassee my privates and serve them with a little bit of fresh parsley as a garnish. I’m the luckiest guy on the planet and I love you..

a heated post about the environment

One of our biggest problems with Bahraini’s is that people have no respect for their environment and that REALLY gets under my skin… People don’t give a shit about where they throw their trash, constantly under the impression that there’s some poor fellow there to pick up after them. The thing is there is someone there to pick up after them, he’s the poor garbage man that I see every morning on my ride to work having to pick up juice boxes and wrappers off the side of the road…

I’ve said this before, Bahrain’s a tiny place, if you’re gonna litter, it’s going to build up until it becomes disgusting… and since Bahraini’s don’t give a shit, they’re inviting others living here to not give a shit either… I get so pissed off when I’m driving and I see a Bahraini driver, rolling down his or her window and dumping out trash… I mean, why? You’re in a car, you’re obviously going someplace, can’t you crumble that empty pack of cigarettes or that tissue paper and hold on till you get to wherever you’re going so that you don’t have to make my country a little less beautiful? Can someone explain to me why people litter? What is the deal? I see trash cans everywhere but people are too lazy to do anything with them… I dare anyone who reads this to go and drive around Bahrain looking for a spot or patch of “refuse free” land… if you do find that actual spot, then think back of all the other spots that are just covered in trash and allow yourself to vomit (in a toilet that is, we don’t want more crap on the floor)…

I’m not asking you to quit your job, join green peace, get on the rainbow warrior and save the sardines… I’m asking you to realize what you do in your life where you’re fucking litterbug and if you stopped, and if you made everyone around you to stop then maybe you can make a difference… Every little piece of trash put in a bin counts by the way… I’m planning on having kids someday and I want to do everything I can to preserve some sort of clean environment for them to grow up in… If you’re from here, then try to remember how pretty and green it was here 15 years ago, do you really want to lose that forever? Do you want to take your kids over to a public garden to show them more sand? The government is doing its part to keep the country clean, but it shouldn’t be just up to them, we should all do our part. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, just keep after yourself; and if more people start becoming responsible citizens and keep after themselves then we might actually have a chance…

Just to paint a really sad picture for you, at the cemetery in Manama, there’s trash on people’s graves… During a funeral, there’s usually bottled water being passed around for anyone feeling a little dehydrated. Do you know how these assholes repay their gratitude for getting a free drink of water? They throw the empty bottles on ground, while I end up picking up after them and tossing them in the garbage bin less than 5 footsteps away… You fucking assholes, I don’t give a shit how religious you are or who the hell listens to you. You just lost all credibility in my book when you tossed garbage on someone’s grave, and if by chance anything is thrown on any grave of any relative of mine, I will not hesitate in pummeling your face into the ground. If you just read this and feel there’s nothing wrong with people littering in Bahrain, then FUCK YOU TOO.
Peace loving, tree hugging, granola eating, disgruntled hippie…

Riding Around in my Automobile..

Growing up in Bahrain, you used to joke and say that you could get to anywhere on the island in less than 15 minutes… Over the years, the country has morphed into a concrete jungle, the numbers of cars on the road have increased considerably, and people’s driving skills have gotten much worse. The 15-minute car ride can now take up to an hour, with your road rage on full blast… There are a lot of issues you need to deal with when driving in Bahrain, and I think I’m entitled to gripe a bit…

Bahrain’s a small place… we’ve got a population of a little over half a mil, however, everyone lives in the top half of the island making it a very densely populated area. With no proper public transportation system yet (well except buses: but that’s just more cars on the road), everyone’s forced to drive. Ok so that’s not a big deal.. but then the weekend comes along, and we have company… our neighbors from the nearby GCC states, drive across their borders for a little R&R (recklessness and rampage) on our soil… now I know tourism is important to our Economy, but apart from the additional traffic we also get to enjoy the driving skills of our “neighbors”. Saudis for example, have very interesting driving methods; Instead of taking the left lane and indicating left to turn left; they would probably, be in the right lane planning to turn left and eventually busting a U turn on you, forcing you to slam your breaks… In Saudi, drivers are aware of this law of “possible turns” and plan accordingly; unfortunately many accidents have occurred because of not taking into consideration the moron driving next to you… Overtaking from any lane is fine as long as you’re going much faster than the other person, as is flashing the guy ahead of you creating that disco strobe effect, because 125km per hour on a 100km road isn’t fast enough for your formula one taste… Bahrain’s smaller than most major world cities, who on earth needs to be clocking ludicrous speeds (not ludicrous speed?!! mel brooks plug)..

I’m convinced that due to the driving skills of our neighbors, that the local driving here has also become appalling… the common consensus is that anything to avoid a little traffic is fair game… You can get stuck in a jam and then have some bozo in his little shitbox or gas guzzler riding in the breakdown lane/ elevated sidewalk only to cut into traffic, 209 cars ahead… It’s assholes like these that slow down traffic and make it ok for everyone to break the law… The traffic police have started to crack down on these offenders, but it’s not enough, these punks need to be humiliated and ridiculed… I always honk my horn in approval and clap when these chumps are pulled over, occasionally giving them the one finger salute… Anyone who’s taken the highway at the Seef Mall towards Manama knows what I’m talking about… this is an offence of the law where the death penalty could come in useful… Fry a couple of these punks and see how people follow the law...

Since I’m on a roll, let me tell you about another issue I have a problem with… Just recently, the law has granted permission for veiled woman to drive… I don’t mean veiled women who’ve covered their heads, I mean women who are also wearing the face covering with two “ninja-like” eye slits… Now listen, I know religious fervor has struck this planet and everyone’s found some sort of spiritual sense of belonging – good for you… But this is a democracy and last time I checked I was allowed to have an opinion… In my personal opinion, I feel that veiled women are unsafe drivers.. I think anyone who covers their face leaving a little slit for their eyes are an added risk to themselves, other drivers and pedestrians… I rely on my peripheral vision to deal with the constant insanity on the roads, how can this lady have a clear line of sight? This is just dangerous, I mean what if the burqa slips, or she’s taking a turn and her line of sight is completely blocked by a piece of black material? oh and get this, if this lady who’s completely covered up gets pulled over, then a male police officer cannot stop her, they have to call in for backup and have a female officer give the offender a ticket… So what’s to stop me from getting up in Bahraini drag, throwing an abaya and a burqa to cover my face, go speeding all over the place and not get pulled over by a male cop? I know this is a little far fetched, but I don’t see why it’s not possible. Or how about this, can you imagine being a covered lady and getting pulled over for speeding? You’re already late for work, and now you have to wait an additional 20-30 minutes till a female officer can make it to where you are and make sure your face matches the covered face on your driver’s license? Sounds like a hassle if you ask me... Like I said, this is just my opinion and I’m allowed to have it… this law has helped a lot of people in Bahrain, but it just doesn’t make sense to me – I’m just voicing my issues with it…

Here’s one of my personal favorites… Bahraini’s like to take walks. They especially like taking walks on poorly lit streets, while wearing the darkest most unreflective (is that even a word?) clothing… The women in my neighborhood like to wear their abayas and walk around at night, on the side of the road, but sometimes they choose to walk directly on the road because they don’t want to get their shoes dirty… now I understand people’s need to remain fit, and I can also empathize with not wanting to get your shoes dirty, but wearing something reflective is just common sense… It’s dark, people like to walk, and people speed here, so wouldn’t you want to at least wear something that will alert other drivers that there is someone walking along the side of the road, oh and by the way please don’t kill me? Just a suggestion… Next time you’re driving at night, take a look around for all the lone walkers, and then think of how much easier your life would be if they were wearing just a little something reflective to make sure they don’t get run over by anyone…
And to the punk that raced me on the way to work, almost killed the driver of the pickup truck to cut me off because I gave him the finger: you’re a bastard…

it's all Eid to me

It’s been 30 days of Ramadan fasting, I wouldn’t say it was brutal or that painful, but I have to admit I’m glad I don’t have to fast for the rest of the year… You take so many things for granted when you don’t have breakfast for 30 days: like how good eggs in the morning taste, or pancakes drenched in syrup… mmm… The literal translation of Eid is celebration… In Islam we celebrate Eid twice a year, once after fasting the month of Ramadan, and another after the Pilgrimage to Mecca is completed. It’s during Eid everyone dresses up in their finest threads and instead of gifts, the children get money…

Although there are some traditions that really make it worthwhile, my relationship with Eid has changed drastically throughout the years… One of the most devastating changes felt is that, as I’ve gotten older, the Eid money has dwindled greatly. Some of my fondest memories were running around my grandmother’s house waiting till after lunch, cause that’s when my parents, aunts and uncles would pull out their envelopes stuffed with cash to be distributed… You’d line up and put on your best smile hoping this aunt or that uncle would recognize the effort you were putting into this sham so you could get your grubby hands on some more money… one of the funniest things I ever saw was two kids during eid with one of them holding his wallet flashing the other kid his cash. His comment was “Even if your dad went to the market to sell you, he couldn’t fetch this much money.” Money, it makes the world go round with all those greedy hands chasing it. There we some great aspects of getting all this money, you could go and buy whatever you wanted and nobody ever raised an eyebrow. Toy stores and Candy shops made a killing during these three days… It was like a tradition among us kids in my family, that after lunch, everyone would head to the store with his or her newfound wealth… There we would be kings and spend a part of our cash on candy, chips, sugar water and anything else that seemed like a waste of money, it didn’t matter, we were rolling in it.. What was a couple of dinars blown on candy… (Note: a couple of dinars spent on candy in Bahrain means, a boatload of candy). The funny thing about Eid and getting money was how you’d always remember who was stingy or generous… you’d soon also find out who from the family friends that would visit was going to give you cash.. and you’d play everything to your advantage, be extra nice, stay in their sight once they pull out the cash, fake an injury… anything to get your hands on money..

As I get older I start to realize the other traditions that were overshadowed by the money aspect of Eid. On the first day, I’d get cajoled out of my sleep by my father to go and welcome the Eid with prayers at the mosque with the other men from my family. This is probably the few times that I visit the mosque all year long, but it’s a tradition that reminds me of my grandfather, and it’s always good to remember the good people in your life. After the prayers (that always seemed like an eternity), we’d head back to my house where my mom would cook up a breakfast of champions… I’m talking different types of cheeses spread out on the tables, sliced fruit and vegetables, juices, tea, coffee, freshly baked bread, and eggs served anyway you wanted. That to me was the real way to break in the end of Ramadan, with a huge breakfast… Family is one of the fundamental pillars of the Middle Eastern social structure, and it’s times like this when you really see that…

After breakfast, the children start arriving.. As I mentioned earlier we give out money in Eid, and all the neighborhood kids dress up in the best clothes for Eid and go from door to door Trick or Treating so to speak.. but instead of candy, they get coins… Over the years we’ve had some of the funniest eid stories, kids would show up to our house and my mom would give him money, then they’d either wait it out till someone else in my family is distributing before they try again… Another scam these kids would pull, was once they’d make their rounds across the neighborhood, they’d go back home and change their clothes and make another round, hoping people wouldn’t recognize them.. Pretty smart if you ask me… The only annoying thing is that these kids just keep on coming for three days of Eid, wave after wave. The first day is definitely the worst with your doorbell going off every couple of minutes, but it soon eases up…

During the first and Second days of Eid, lunch is always with family, First day: we head over to my grandmother’s house (Paternal), which is now just an empty shell of memories after my grandmother and aunt passed away. The fare is what I call classic Bahraini comfort food, rice, chicken, meat curry, fish, so delicious… My aunts have kept their tradition and do all the cooking together, bringing such a great holiday atmosphere… the food is so good, that a short nap after lunch is essential for digestion… After your nap, you’d wake up for tea and dessert and that’s when things get loud again… Once all the desserts are all laid out, my cousin assumes his role of master of desserts, slicing and serving everything up. Instead of having everyone kneeling all over the desserts, you place your order and a bowl of sweets accompanied by a cup of tea makes it’s way to you - Perfect… It’s around dessert when you start to really appreciate your family and just being with them to celebrate the holidays… I remember what it was like in college in the U.S., Eid was just another day to you… it’s not like you could take 3 days off from school or even 3 days off from work… Some friend would offer to cook lunch for everyone, but lets face it, it doesn’t have the touch of flavor and love that your mom, aunt, grandmother, etc. puts into your holiday meal. Believe me, when you’re celebrating Eid with a frozen pizza or Chinese delivery, that’s when you really start missing your family…

Lunch on the Second day of Eid is always celebrated with my mom’s side of the family, and everyone comes over to our house. That’s where my mom cooks up a storm and there’s every dish you could possibly think of and some extra for good measure… I don’t know of a better cook than my mother, and I can only hope my wife will be able to match her expertise in the kitchen… yeah yeah yeah I know what you’re thinking chauvinistic mama’s boy, well you try mom’s cooking and then you’ll know what I’m talking about… After a huge lunch with the entire family, and a much-needed nap, the men break away to their regular card game, while the women sit around talking. Everyone has a family card game, there are the usual players and then as the times have gone by, new recruits have joined the ranks. Being invited to sit and play with the men their regular card game is a pretty big deal, that card game is the most serious thing that happens during Eid and being asked to play means you are no longer a boy and are now amongst the men. The kids are all over the place running around, being totally annoying showing off their newfound wealth (they’re kids: I don’t expect them to be upstanding citizens). This is when you remember the good times and fun you had celebrating Eid as a kid.. Part of me wants to go back to being a kid, where my biggest concern is finding the best hiding place for hide and go seek with my cousins, and how many pieces of bubble gum you could fit in your mouth…

The third and final day day is where we get to rest, two days of family can be a lot, so it’s the third day when you’ve got the freedom to pretty much do whatever you feel like doing.. lunch, no lunch, I’m just thankful that I have one extra day to wind down the holiday…

Well I’m still rambling on… Just thought I’d share my experiences and how I felt about Eid to someone who’s never celebrated this grand holiday. Anyways Eid Mubarak Everybody! And boy am I glad I don’t have to fast for another 11 months…