your ex-lover is dead : Stars
who is he (and what is he to you?) : Bill Withers
float on : Modest Mouse
every rose has its thorn : Poison
this year : The Mountain Goats
Paper Tiger : Spoon
don't dream it's over : Crowded House
way down in the hole : The Blind Boys of Alabama
the thrill is gone : BB King
moving on : Hard-Fi
makin whoopee : Ray Charles
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"This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin"
"you're too much for one man, but not enough for two, daggonit.. who is he? and what is he to you?"
Against the wishes of everyone I know, I will still write you this.
You were everything to me and you were all I wanted. Faithful would be an understatement in terms of my character. Filling the void inside me, you became my solace and I looked to be yours.
I should have listened to the warning signs, but I didn’t, I was more interested in loving you and being real with you. You kept me distant and I forced myself to think nothing of it. I learned more and more of your situation and your little white lies and all that did was make me really think about the whole situation and come to the conclusion that you were the one. Ready to sacrifice and sever whatever I needed to, I wanted you more than anything.
You fed me lines of how I was the only one for you. And how you found me and didn’t want to let me go. How you wanted to marry me. And I for the most part, believed you. I was happy in your arms and wanted nothing else. Nothing could dent me.. In my deluded thinking, I really felt you were finally happy in a relationship with someone who could match your thoughts and match your heart.
You sent me a text message at work telling me that someone proposed to you and you were considering it. A surprise that was brewing for a while or not, I couldn’t believe you would settle like that. You really drove the caring point home without a phone call. I should’ve called you, but I was so upset that I could think of nothing except how fucking horrible I felt.
Sending me down a spiral of pain that I have not felt since the last time you did this to me, I did not function for a couple of days. Questions calling for answers that will not make a difference, questions of madness and questions regarding myself. Your situation, where you are now was something that was difficult for me to swallow, but I did. Here I was feeling like I’m lined up with all these other men competing for your love and your time. From what you had told me, your suitor was just another friend, and now I feel like another one of the numbers on your cell phone, another one of your friends.
Nothing we had feels genuine, and that’s what really kills me inside. Every amazing memory, every amazing emotion, every amazing thought that I shared with you or because of you, none of it feels real now.. I would ask of you to tell me it was all real, that what you had with me was genuine, that I was not wrong to love you and want everything for you – but like I said earlier, they’re just questions looking for answers that don’t matter anymore.
I honestly would’ve hoped if you weren’t going to end up with me, then at least it would be your ex. Cause then at least I’d know it was only two and not more.
Sweet...
You remind me of John Cusack's character (Rob Gordon) in "High Fidelity".
p.s. check out my latest post... I'm curious to see your feedback.
All I can say here is that the only truly decent human being in this tragic affair is the person who stood up to say in a clear and true voice what was in his heart. To that courage and the depth of his emotions all of us at the bar can only raise a glass to cheer him on and wish him nothing but the best.
P.S. The response from the other actor in this tragicomedy was so weak! It is bad form to send off some half ass, snide remark sent in a manner to make it seem like you don't care. Especially when those of us who have loved and lost know that people who make such mean-spirited cavalier comments are really people taking the pain. How sad...
P.P.S. We get some juvenile amusement watching all of this dirty laundry being aired for our voyeuristic pleasure. However, it is only for a moment and not terribly enjoyable when we consider the outstanding character of the wronged party.
A toast to all star-crossed lovers. May your skeletons be found in a loving enbrace, preserved from the ravages of time in a peat bog for over a thousand years.
Of course, some already exhibit skeletal tendencies while upright and one should be weary of them...kinda like the Tofu Zombie
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