K9 Conversations

1. On the topic of capital punishment that took a little twist:

You know I feel that capital punishment is ok for pedophiles..

Yeah I can see that, that’s fine with me, they can die by lethal injection.

Know what’s weird? How come most pedophiles are men? you rarely hear about a woman molesting children.. That’s psychological gender difference right? Most of the cases you hear about involve a man molesting children… but it’s never like a woman would go and grab her stepson or her daughter and do wicked things to them..

Well how about these sexy 23 year old female teachers molesting their male students in junior high and high school.. how about them? Are they fair game under capital punishment laws?

That’s not molesting.. You’re just cockblocking.. Don’t playa-hate on the little man.. ‘nuf said..

I think so..

2. Conversations with our resident MD back for a week:

So what’s new in the world of medicine.. How’s the hospital?

I just finished doing rectal surgery, I’m done with assholes..

Amen brother, amen..

I had this one case where the ER doctor tried to pin an impacted patient on me.

What the hell is that?

Well it’s basically when a patient gets way too constipated and even enemas don’t work.. We call it impacted (backed up), meaning a manual extraction of excrement is required..

Wait you mean?

Yeah, rubber gloves, insert hands into the rectum and extract whatever’s blocked up in the lower intestines.. they tried to pin it on me, but I sidestepped that one..

That’s a relief, what do you have next?

Breasts, I’m doing breasts next… no more assholes for me..

Looking forward to hearing about mammaries and areolas..

3. A slightly inebriated afternoon conversation after walking into a friend’s living room:

Look, look at him passed out on the couch in front of the TV.. we should do something to him.

What do you want to do?

Go get some tissue paper and some moisturizer. And leave it next to him..

Then what?

Then we flip the channel to hardcore gay porn and hide the remote control, minus the batteries. Either he wakes up and freaks out looking for the remote control, or his pregnant wife walks in on him passed out from masturbating to porn. Whatever the outcome, we win either way.

Yeah lets do it.. wwwaaaiitt.. just a minute.. all fun and games aside, he is the revenge specialist. Remember what happened to ustaz. He’ll get you back when you least expect it. He lives for revenge, we’re basically giving him the opportunity to let his twisted revenge oriented brain run free. If we cross this line, there’s no turning back.

Vodka tonic before we mull over our fate?

Now you’re talking