The Rules of Engagement

The following notes are the rules that dictate the existence of the circle… We live by these rules and we die by these rules.

Bugs it: In the event that an action is required for the good of the group (ie: getting another drink, turning on the TV, ordering food or paying the delivery guy, setting up the console for multiplayer action, etc) and you are not planning on volunteering for it, then yell out “bugs it” before the last person does to ensure that you will not be required to perform said action. If you fail to yell out “bugs it” before the last person, then you are required by the laws of the circle to perform said action… If you are newly recruited into the circle, you will be granted one get out of “bugs it” free card only to be redeemed once…

The Reign of the Jackass: Within the circle, the probability of you doing something absolutely stupid and asinine is quite high, hence the Reign of the Jackass rule… After deliberation and mutual agreement by the circle, the person caught doing the stupidest act will have the title of Jackass bestowed upon him, until the next jackass is found. The Jackass lives, long live the Jackass…

Reservoir Dog rule: There are many levels within the circle, and one must work hard to rise within the ranks. The title of Reservoir Dog can only be attained after accomplishing a number of kudo feats that involve but are not restricted to (boozing, women, gaming, trash talking, stunt driving, skeet shooting, punking, etc.).

The Reign of the High Commander: Any Reservoir Dog that performs additional kudo feats that benefit the circle collectively will also rise in ranking achieving High Commander Status… However, performing a number of jackass feats will demote the high commander to his previous rank, making way for a new high commander.

The Nancy Rule: Any member of the circle who succumbs to the shackles of a committed relationship and stops attending circle meetings, will not lose rank, but will gain the Nancy title. From the moment that reservoir dog can no longer make a decision without having to consult the real person who wears the pants in that relationship; then he forgoes all manly rights within the circle… That member may be ridiculed and insulted on the sole basis that he is no longer master of his domain and is now a Nancy.

Nips n Punches: Disclaimer: We are sick people; the object of this rule is to define that level of sickness and curb how far our sadistic thinking can go. Nipple plays of a homoerotic nature are not part of the standard operating procedure within the circle but will be overlooked, however, nipple plays that would drive a member of the circle to the point of violent behavior are fair game. Every nipple play constitutes a punch, and every punch constitutes a nipple play… sorry Nancy, there’s no way around this. Pre-emptive punching for oncoming nipple plays will be condemned and are against our laws, however there shall be no interference by the circle. A nipple play is defined as 3 twirls and a pinch. If the puncher invites the nippler for a nipple play, the play is transferable. Skin on skin plays are for special occasions and events such as halftime shows. Incorrectly landing a punch will only prompt an additional punch if the first strike did not make contact with the nippler. If you move when receiving a nipple play or a punch, then your forfeit your right to retaliate, for every action there is a reaction and if you try to mess with that equation then you’re disrupting the flow of the cosmos. However, the nippler may brace himself for the ensuing punch and may request the location of the punch.

More Ice Bitch: If a drink is made for you, and the maker has not added enough ice to your liking, then you may yell “more ice bitch” and demand additional ice for your drink… The maker has to duly accommodate you since he was making you the drink in the first place.

The Hog: When a member of the circle, is taking his sweet ass time with anything, any member of the circle may point and yell out “hog” repeatedly making the hog uncomfortable. Other members are welcome to join in the pointing and hog calling.

Verbal Diarrhea: 1. It’s “Marv know your role” – because he forever will. 2. Improvising on any of the names and name-calling is welcome as long as it is within the scope of the original insult. 3. “DAI” may be used to complete any argument, or fill in any awkward quiet moments.

Player Whore: In any competitive environment, mainly video games, the loser in last place dons the title player whore. Being player whore means that you receive the crappy controller, and you get to select the level in the following round.

Betting: In the event that someone shoots his mouth off and a wager is made; all money must be collected by a non-participating member of the circle (all rules must be agreed upon prior to the money being collected). If you are not carrying enough money to cover the bet but are good for it, a guarantor must be secured. If you happen to bet against a member of the circle and lose, then you maybe subjected to all forms of ridicule and insults.