Riding Around in my Automobile..

Growing up in Bahrain, you used to joke and say that you could get to anywhere on the island in less than 15 minutes… Over the years, the country has morphed into a concrete jungle, the numbers of cars on the road have increased considerably, and people’s driving skills have gotten much worse. The 15-minute car ride can now take up to an hour, with your road rage on full blast… There are a lot of issues you need to deal with when driving in Bahrain, and I think I’m entitled to gripe a bit…

Bahrain’s a small place… we’ve got a population of a little over half a mil, however, everyone lives in the top half of the island making it a very densely populated area. With no proper public transportation system yet (well except buses: but that’s just more cars on the road), everyone’s forced to drive. Ok so that’s not a big deal.. but then the weekend comes along, and we have company… our neighbors from the nearby GCC states, drive across their borders for a little R&R (recklessness and rampage) on our soil… now I know tourism is important to our Economy, but apart from the additional traffic we also get to enjoy the driving skills of our “neighbors”. Saudis for example, have very interesting driving methods; Instead of taking the left lane and indicating left to turn left; they would probably, be in the right lane planning to turn left and eventually busting a U turn on you, forcing you to slam your breaks… In Saudi, drivers are aware of this law of “possible turns” and plan accordingly; unfortunately many accidents have occurred because of not taking into consideration the moron driving next to you… Overtaking from any lane is fine as long as you’re going much faster than the other person, as is flashing the guy ahead of you creating that disco strobe effect, because 125km per hour on a 100km road isn’t fast enough for your formula one taste… Bahrain’s smaller than most major world cities, who on earth needs to be clocking ludicrous speeds (not ludicrous speed?!! mel brooks plug)..

I’m convinced that due to the driving skills of our neighbors, that the local driving here has also become appalling… the common consensus is that anything to avoid a little traffic is fair game… You can get stuck in a jam and then have some bozo in his little shitbox or gas guzzler riding in the breakdown lane/ elevated sidewalk only to cut into traffic, 209 cars ahead… It’s assholes like these that slow down traffic and make it ok for everyone to break the law… The traffic police have started to crack down on these offenders, but it’s not enough, these punks need to be humiliated and ridiculed… I always honk my horn in approval and clap when these chumps are pulled over, occasionally giving them the one finger salute… Anyone who’s taken the highway at the Seef Mall towards Manama knows what I’m talking about… this is an offence of the law where the death penalty could come in useful… Fry a couple of these punks and see how people follow the law...

Since I’m on a roll, let me tell you about another issue I have a problem with… Just recently, the law has granted permission for veiled woman to drive… I don’t mean veiled women who’ve covered their heads, I mean women who are also wearing the face covering with two “ninja-like” eye slits… Now listen, I know religious fervor has struck this planet and everyone’s found some sort of spiritual sense of belonging – good for you… But this is a democracy and last time I checked I was allowed to have an opinion… In my personal opinion, I feel that veiled women are unsafe drivers.. I think anyone who covers their face leaving a little slit for their eyes are an added risk to themselves, other drivers and pedestrians… I rely on my peripheral vision to deal with the constant insanity on the roads, how can this lady have a clear line of sight? This is just dangerous, I mean what if the burqa slips, or she’s taking a turn and her line of sight is completely blocked by a piece of black material? oh and get this, if this lady who’s completely covered up gets pulled over, then a male police officer cannot stop her, they have to call in for backup and have a female officer give the offender a ticket… So what’s to stop me from getting up in Bahraini drag, throwing an abaya and a burqa to cover my face, go speeding all over the place and not get pulled over by a male cop? I know this is a little far fetched, but I don’t see why it’s not possible. Or how about this, can you imagine being a covered lady and getting pulled over for speeding? You’re already late for work, and now you have to wait an additional 20-30 minutes till a female officer can make it to where you are and make sure your face matches the covered face on your driver’s license? Sounds like a hassle if you ask me... Like I said, this is just my opinion and I’m allowed to have it… this law has helped a lot of people in Bahrain, but it just doesn’t make sense to me – I’m just voicing my issues with it…

Here’s one of my personal favorites… Bahraini’s like to take walks. They especially like taking walks on poorly lit streets, while wearing the darkest most unreflective (is that even a word?) clothing… The women in my neighborhood like to wear their abayas and walk around at night, on the side of the road, but sometimes they choose to walk directly on the road because they don’t want to get their shoes dirty… now I understand people’s need to remain fit, and I can also empathize with not wanting to get your shoes dirty, but wearing something reflective is just common sense… It’s dark, people like to walk, and people speed here, so wouldn’t you want to at least wear something that will alert other drivers that there is someone walking along the side of the road, oh and by the way please don’t kill me? Just a suggestion… Next time you’re driving at night, take a look around for all the lone walkers, and then think of how much easier your life would be if they were wearing just a little something reflective to make sure they don’t get run over by anyone…
And to the punk that raced me on the way to work, almost killed the driver of the pickup truck to cut me off because I gave him the finger: you’re a bastard…

my infatuation with sports...

What is it with about a man that makes him grunt and cheer the television when a sports game is on? I love watching sports, I grunt, in fact I do more than just grunting… I’ve been known to straddle the tv as the New England Patriots score the game winning touchdown… & I’ve been known to throw a cup of chocolate pudding at the screen, when Referee Byron Moreno (you asshole) made all those stupid nonsensical calls during the Italy Vs Croatia game during the 2002 world cup… I’m a guy and I love sports… I can’t help it… I can watch Football, basketball, baseball, hockey, American football, darts, snooker, cricket, boxing, curling, etc… you name the sport and as long as there is a definite winner and a loser (ties are ok too), I’ll watch…

In my short live span, I’ve endured a lot of feelings associated with being a sports fan: the thrill of watching your team beat the clear favorites, supporting the winning team, and the pains and heartbreak that comes along with a losing team.. I’ve seen and felt it all… and this is an important thing, it’s a very important life experience for men… Sports teach you when to be cocky and flaunt your team’s victories, when to rub the defeat into the crying loser’s face, and it teaches you when to shut it and eat your humble pie…

Sports are something women just can’t seem to fully grasp… I know that women can compete in sports and enjoy sports and have been known to be avid fans, but they don’t understand the stupid things men do for sports. You don’t see any women streaking during a sports game… you don’t see women storming the field to beat the living daylight out of the referee on that dodgy call… Women just can’t seem to grasp that Neanderthal intensity we have towards sports. To us, sports are the most important beautiful things in this world, right up there with giving birth. There’s nothing like opening up your closet on game day, and reaching into the pile of clothes for your teams’ Jersey. You don that tunic of champions (props falco) thinking you’ve just made the difference between winning and losing… You’ve got this new lease on life because you’re ready to bring it on: the cheers the jumping, the name-calling, the swearing and the booze (when you’re winning your buying and when you’re losing you’re drowning). On that match day, anything can happen and you’re pretty confident that whatever happens, it’ll be in your team’s favor. Supporting a team is a lifelong commitment, there’s no room for fair-weather fans – I can’t stand ’em nor should anyone… you might stop cheering for them for a while, you might decide to take up another sport, but that team will always be in your heart…

In my opinion watching the game with friends is integral to your viewing pleasure. Who’s gonna give you that high five on that fantastic three pointer? Who’s gonna back you up when you yell “CHEATING” to the referee? Who’s gonna talk back smack when you piss all over his team? That’s what friends are for…

The only distractions allowed during game time are ones that involve the bathroom, food, cigarettes, or another pint… Blocking someone’s view is considered uncouth and childish, flaunting your victory and making fart noises on the other hand is fair game… The only thing better than watching one game is watching two games at the same time with another two coming up afterwards… Saturday is my day… that’s when the English Premier League has it’s matchdays, and that’s when I basically tune out the rest of the world from lunchtime, till passing out time… Sundays are reserved for some more English, Italian and Spanish League football and gridiron football – does it get any better? Yes it does: “dadada dadada dadada da daaah” – I love that Monday night football theme…

Sublime passes, bone crunching tackles, decisive moments, bad calls, good calls, double plays, ball control, pure class (thank you zizou), freak injuries, counter attacks, high scoring games, and last second efforts that make it through… that’s why I love sports
LET ME HEAR AN AMEN IF YOU’RE WITH ME!!!

it's all Eid to me

It’s been 30 days of Ramadan fasting, I wouldn’t say it was brutal or that painful, but I have to admit I’m glad I don’t have to fast for the rest of the year… You take so many things for granted when you don’t have breakfast for 30 days: like how good eggs in the morning taste, or pancakes drenched in syrup… mmm… The literal translation of Eid is celebration… In Islam we celebrate Eid twice a year, once after fasting the month of Ramadan, and another after the Pilgrimage to Mecca is completed. It’s during Eid everyone dresses up in their finest threads and instead of gifts, the children get money…

Although there are some traditions that really make it worthwhile, my relationship with Eid has changed drastically throughout the years… One of the most devastating changes felt is that, as I’ve gotten older, the Eid money has dwindled greatly. Some of my fondest memories were running around my grandmother’s house waiting till after lunch, cause that’s when my parents, aunts and uncles would pull out their envelopes stuffed with cash to be distributed… You’d line up and put on your best smile hoping this aunt or that uncle would recognize the effort you were putting into this sham so you could get your grubby hands on some more money… one of the funniest things I ever saw was two kids during eid with one of them holding his wallet flashing the other kid his cash. His comment was “Even if your dad went to the market to sell you, he couldn’t fetch this much money.” Money, it makes the world go round with all those greedy hands chasing it. There we some great aspects of getting all this money, you could go and buy whatever you wanted and nobody ever raised an eyebrow. Toy stores and Candy shops made a killing during these three days… It was like a tradition among us kids in my family, that after lunch, everyone would head to the store with his or her newfound wealth… There we would be kings and spend a part of our cash on candy, chips, sugar water and anything else that seemed like a waste of money, it didn’t matter, we were rolling in it.. What was a couple of dinars blown on candy… (Note: a couple of dinars spent on candy in Bahrain means, a boatload of candy). The funny thing about Eid and getting money was how you’d always remember who was stingy or generous… you’d soon also find out who from the family friends that would visit was going to give you cash.. and you’d play everything to your advantage, be extra nice, stay in their sight once they pull out the cash, fake an injury… anything to get your hands on money..

As I get older I start to realize the other traditions that were overshadowed by the money aspect of Eid. On the first day, I’d get cajoled out of my sleep by my father to go and welcome the Eid with prayers at the mosque with the other men from my family. This is probably the few times that I visit the mosque all year long, but it’s a tradition that reminds me of my grandfather, and it’s always good to remember the good people in your life. After the prayers (that always seemed like an eternity), we’d head back to my house where my mom would cook up a breakfast of champions… I’m talking different types of cheeses spread out on the tables, sliced fruit and vegetables, juices, tea, coffee, freshly baked bread, and eggs served anyway you wanted. That to me was the real way to break in the end of Ramadan, with a huge breakfast… Family is one of the fundamental pillars of the Middle Eastern social structure, and it’s times like this when you really see that…

After breakfast, the children start arriving.. As I mentioned earlier we give out money in Eid, and all the neighborhood kids dress up in the best clothes for Eid and go from door to door Trick or Treating so to speak.. but instead of candy, they get coins… Over the years we’ve had some of the funniest eid stories, kids would show up to our house and my mom would give him money, then they’d either wait it out till someone else in my family is distributing before they try again… Another scam these kids would pull, was once they’d make their rounds across the neighborhood, they’d go back home and change their clothes and make another round, hoping people wouldn’t recognize them.. Pretty smart if you ask me… The only annoying thing is that these kids just keep on coming for three days of Eid, wave after wave. The first day is definitely the worst with your doorbell going off every couple of minutes, but it soon eases up…

During the first and Second days of Eid, lunch is always with family, First day: we head over to my grandmother’s house (Paternal), which is now just an empty shell of memories after my grandmother and aunt passed away. The fare is what I call classic Bahraini comfort food, rice, chicken, meat curry, fish, so delicious… My aunts have kept their tradition and do all the cooking together, bringing such a great holiday atmosphere… the food is so good, that a short nap after lunch is essential for digestion… After your nap, you’d wake up for tea and dessert and that’s when things get loud again… Once all the desserts are all laid out, my cousin assumes his role of master of desserts, slicing and serving everything up. Instead of having everyone kneeling all over the desserts, you place your order and a bowl of sweets accompanied by a cup of tea makes it’s way to you - Perfect… It’s around dessert when you start to really appreciate your family and just being with them to celebrate the holidays… I remember what it was like in college in the U.S., Eid was just another day to you… it’s not like you could take 3 days off from school or even 3 days off from work… Some friend would offer to cook lunch for everyone, but lets face it, it doesn’t have the touch of flavor and love that your mom, aunt, grandmother, etc. puts into your holiday meal. Believe me, when you’re celebrating Eid with a frozen pizza or Chinese delivery, that’s when you really start missing your family…

Lunch on the Second day of Eid is always celebrated with my mom’s side of the family, and everyone comes over to our house. That’s where my mom cooks up a storm and there’s every dish you could possibly think of and some extra for good measure… I don’t know of a better cook than my mother, and I can only hope my wife will be able to match her expertise in the kitchen… yeah yeah yeah I know what you’re thinking chauvinistic mama’s boy, well you try mom’s cooking and then you’ll know what I’m talking about… After a huge lunch with the entire family, and a much-needed nap, the men break away to their regular card game, while the women sit around talking. Everyone has a family card game, there are the usual players and then as the times have gone by, new recruits have joined the ranks. Being invited to sit and play with the men their regular card game is a pretty big deal, that card game is the most serious thing that happens during Eid and being asked to play means you are no longer a boy and are now amongst the men. The kids are all over the place running around, being totally annoying showing off their newfound wealth (they’re kids: I don’t expect them to be upstanding citizens). This is when you remember the good times and fun you had celebrating Eid as a kid.. Part of me wants to go back to being a kid, where my biggest concern is finding the best hiding place for hide and go seek with my cousins, and how many pieces of bubble gum you could fit in your mouth…

The third and final day day is where we get to rest, two days of family can be a lot, so it’s the third day when you’ve got the freedom to pretty much do whatever you feel like doing.. lunch, no lunch, I’m just thankful that I have one extra day to wind down the holiday…

Well I’m still rambling on… Just thought I’d share my experiences and how I felt about Eid to someone who’s never celebrated this grand holiday. Anyways Eid Mubarak Everybody! And boy am I glad I don’t have to fast for another 11 months…

Cheeseburgers...

Ok a little about myself… I love cheeseburgers… I love cheeseburgers so much , I can eat one, and then wait a bit and then eat another 20… single or double, ketchup and mayo, or ketchup and mustard, or just ketchup… lettuce, tomatoes, melted cheese, onions, pickles, and a sesame bun. It just doesn’t get any better than that… I think I’m going to dedicate this post to CHEESEBURGERS IN BAHRAIN!!!

You can’t talk about cheeseburgers in Bahrain without bowing down to Jan Burger. Those of you that know what I’m talking about are probably nodding your head in agreement.. I commend you on your good taste… Jan Burger started out in the mid-nineties in Bahrain with one location in Hoora, and it was not long before they started opening up branches all over the island. Don’t expect an experience in fine dining, or in corporate fast food efficiency… Expect a kick ass burger… First off, they do all their cooking over a charcoal grill (kudos on that one – there’s nothing like that barbequed burger taste)… Second, they use basic ingredients, but it’s their secret process that keeps it all together (I’ll get into that in a bit)… Third it’s local… and I don’t care how good that BigMac tastes (pretty damn), but Jan will always be Jan…

It’s a very simple establishment: do you want a regular Jan burger or the Big Jan (double patty) : beef or chicken (both equally good)… as your food’s being grilled, they prepare the buns with all the fixings: lettuce, tomatoes, cheese (if you want it) and ketchup… Once the burger is done and prepared, it’s wrapped in Aluminum foil and then put back on the grill for a short period of time… Although I’m not too sure what happens with this added process, but allow me to describe the outcome: Everything harmonizes together… the meat, cheese, and bread all get stuck together while the juice from the meat softens the bread leaving you with a symphony of flavors and textures…. I’m getting so hungry just thinking about this… In my book, Jan Burger is definitely the best burger in Bahrain…

Next up we have Jasmis – the original Bahraini fast food burger joint… let me tell you something, we’ve got McDonalds, We’ve got Burger King, but Jasmis is on another level… Maybe cause it’s a local institution that I’m partial to it, but you can’t avoid the fact that they’ve taken the best sandwiches from BK and McDonalds and Jasmisized them… They’ve got the Big J (the big mac’s long lost brother), the Special and Mini J (from the whopper family, yet slightly different), and all the other additions to the menu… I grew up eating Jasmis, and I have to admit, that they will always have a special place in my heart… Watching a local company beat the odds, establish a name, and cook up a good fast junky foodish burger? Doesn’t get any better…
Local burgers are pretty good, if you find the right place with the right ingredients… to me the right ingredient to make the perfect burger is love… you need to squeeze that minced meat in your hand as you add your ingredients. Caress the patties as you shape them… You can’t tell me that sizzling sound when you place the patties on the grill isn’t heavenly on your ears… the grill mark inspection once you flip over the burger… The billowing smoke carrying that charred meat scent filling up your nostrils… the way the cheese melts giving your burger excellent cheese to meat surface coverage… those thickly sliced onions that get thrown on the grill for good measure… whoa… I can’t believe it’s the third week in Ramadan… I am starving… listen to me, writing about cheeseburgers…